* * * *
GRAHAM STROKED THEsoft worn t-shirt before gently folding it and placing it into the box.The box was half empty, and the sight of it broke his heart.How could it be that everything his brother had owned fit into that box?
He wanted to find Simon and ask him what had happened.He wanted to know when everything had gone to shit.He was desperate, wondering if he’d done the right thing, if he’d chosen the right side.He’d abandoned his brother with Carlyle, and as a result, Simon had died.
Had it been Graham’s fault?Maybe, in part.He’d tried to convince his brother to leave with him several times, and Simon had refused every time.Maybe Graham could have tried harder, though.Maybe he should’ve found a way to get Simon to follow him.
But Simon had always been the strongest of the two of them.He’d been the leader, and Graham had followed.That was why it didn’t make sense to him thathewas still alive while his brother wasn’t.It wasn’t supposed to be like this.Simon was supposed to live.Graham wasn’t sure if he could survive without his brother.
He supposed he was going to find out.
He swallowed and closed the box.He screwed his eyes shut, willing the tears not to fall and failing.For so long, it had been him and his brother against the world.Then Carlyle had come into the picture, and Graham had lost Simon.
When Graham had left without Simon, he’d thought that someday, they would fix things.He hadn’t known how long it would take or what would happen in the meantime, but he’d had hope.
Simon would never fix anything.He was dead.Simon and Graham would never get the opportunity to talk again.Graham wouldn’t be able to ask Simon what he’d been thinking, staying with Carlyle when it was obvious he was on the wrong side of Carlyle’s fight with the mages.He’d never be able to ask why Carlyle had been more important than him for Simon.
He wasn’t sure it mattered, anyway.Simon wasn’t coming back, no matter his reasons for staying with Carlyle.He was dead.Graham would never get his answers, and maybe it was better that way.
Graham stepped away from the box, but he didn’t know where to go.He felt the need to leave the bedroom, but at the same time, he wasn’t sure he could or should.He was a guest here at the castle, something he didn’t fully understand but was grateful for.He knew he didn’t belong, though.The people here didn’t trust him, even though he’d helped them fight Carlyle.He didn’t blame them.He wouldn’t trust himself, either, if he was in their place.He’d hurt them too badly, even though he’d only been following orders.
He shouldn’t have been following those orders.He’d known better, but he’d been afraid.He’d thought he’d lose his brother if he didn’t do what Carlyle asked, and he’d been right.In the end, though, he’d made his decision.He wasn’t sorry for what had happened to Carlyle, but every time he thought about his brother dying, he felt like he’d died with him.
There would be no more late nights talking with Simon.There would be no more teasing, no more evenings watching movies, no wondering what their future would be like.Simon didn’t have a future.
Graham wasn’t sure he had one, either.
For now, he was safe.The mages and the dragons had told him he could stay at the castle for however long he wanted, but he knew this wasn’t his place.He was going to have to leave, and he wasn’t looking forward to that.Maybe that made him weak, but he’d never been on his own, and he wasn’t sure he could survive like that.He would try, but he didn’t give himself long.
He still believed he’d done the right thing by leaving Carlyle behind, but he was also convinced thatheshould have died instead of his brother.Simon would be able to survive.Hell, he’d thrive, even on his own.Maybe it would take him a little while to find his footing, but Graham was sure that his brother would have led a happy and full life, even without Graham.Graham, on the other hand?He wasn’t even sure he’d survive until the end of the year.
But it wasn’t something he needed to worry about right now.For a little bit, he could rest and give his mind time to settle.It was safe here, even though he was uncomfortable.He couldn’t stay forever because it wouldn’t be fair to the people who’d welcomed him, but he wasn’t planning to.They shouldn’t have to deal with Graham considering what he’d done.
Graham sucked in a breath.He had more packing to do, but he couldn’t do it right now.The thought of touching more of his brother’s things made him want to scream and cry.Maybe taking a walk around the castle would help.Maybe he could even go upstairs to one of the towers and get some fresh air.It didn’t really matter as long as he was away from this bedroom and Simon’s ghost.He just needed to make sure to stay away from the mages and the dragons.They might have agreed to let him stay, but that didn’t mean they were happy with his presence here.This was their home, and the last thing Graham wanted was to make them uncomfortable.That was why he avoided spending time with them as much as possible, leaving his bedroom only for meals.These four walls were feeling suffocating, though.Graham was reaching his breaking point, and he needed something to change before he did something stupid like screaming and making everyone think he was up to something.
Without looking back at his brother’s things still scattered on his bed, waiting for him to put them away, he shoved his feet into a pair of shoes and left the bedroom.Maybe he could even go to the kitchen on his way back.He could get some food and avoid eating a few meals with the dragons and their mages.He was sure they’d be relieved.
So would he.
* * * *
EMORY WASN’T SURE HOWhe was feeling when he left the roof terrace.Jarvis was still out there, watching his dragon and their son fly above his head.There was a peace to him as he did so that Emory wasn’t sure he’d ever achieve for himself, but that was okay.It wasn’t what he was looking for, at least not right now.
The problem was that he didn’t know what he was looking for right now.He had his dragon back, and he was safe.He had a place he could call home, and he didn’t need to be afraid.With Carlyle gone, the world was his oyster.
Where did that leave him?He’d only ever known two things in his life—how to be a mage’s shield, and how to be by himself in the middle of nowhere.He didn’t know how to live with people anymore.He didn’t know what to make of his life now that he had one again.
There were many more things he didn’t know, and that terrified him, but luckily for him, he had plenty of time to figure things out.
He turned the corner and slammed right into someone.He reached out on instinct, wanting to keep both of them on their feet.He snatched his hands away when he realized that he was holding Graham, though.
For a second, Graham looked hurt, and Emory felt guilty.Graham was quick to hide that expression, but not quick enough.Emory wasn’t sure what to think of that.Surely, Graham didn’t expect Emory to be happy to see him considering their history?
Or maybe he did.Graham wasn’t just Carlyle’s minion.He’d saved Emory’s life, and Emory was very much aware that he wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for the man standing in front of him.He didn’t like owing his life to someone who’d worked with Carlyle, but Graham had stepped away before things got out of hand.Besides, Emory had once trusted Carlyle, once.Hell, he’d been in love with him.He hadn’t known what Carlyle was up to back then, and he’d worked with him because that was what he was supposed to do as Carlyle’s shield.Simon had known what Carlyle was doing, yet, he’d stayed on Carlyle’s side for way too long, and he’d died because of that decision.
Emory made to move, and his foot bumped against a plastic bag.He frowned down at it, wondering what Graham was doing scurrying in the hallways with bags.Graham quickly picked it up, though, and he held it close to his chest as if afraid Emory would take it from him.Emory’s dragon nose recognized the scent of food as Graham moved.
It was clear that Graham had been in the kitchen and that he was going back to his room with enough food to last for a few meals.Why?