“I called my dad today. I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help it. You think they’ll be okay?”
Connor shrugs. “Maybe. Lots of things will unfold now. But I can work better when I know you and the baby are safe.”
“I assume there’s a hospital there where I can work.”
“There is. Listen, Renne, I’m not very good at this, so I’m leaving. Bye, guys.” Connor throws open the door and leaps out of the car. I get out to go after him, but he’s gone.
“Connor,” I call out, but he’s nowhere to be seen.
That’s it? This is how we end?
I imagine if I asked him that, he’d shrug and say,Yeah.
Connor and I are done. Over. Finished. We never had a chance. Oh God, it hurts. I press my hands to my chest, lean against the car, and cry big, ugly tears.
“Ma-ma,” Hanna says.
I sniff and sit in the back next to her. I must’ve imagined my baby speaking. I’m under lots of stress, and I need to stay strong for her.
A phone rings, the sound coming not from my purse but from the diaper bag. I pat around inside the bag until I find a flip phone.
“Hello,” I answer, but the caller hangs up. I look at the private caller ID just as the text message comes on the screen.
Hey, 1023, this is the Clown with a better plan…
I read Connor’s instructions, then unbuckle Hanna’s seat belt and pick her up. I shoulder the diaper bag full of getaway stuff and keep the burner phone, but delete the message with instructions as per Connor’s request.
The bag’s heavy, but I manage to carry it to the bus stop around the corner. I sit on the bench and wait.
“Ma-ma,” my daughter says, blue eyes wide and excited that she can speak.
“Oh my God, baby. Yes, that’s me. I’m your mom.” I squeeze her and replace my tears with a smile. Children have a way of making us smile even when we think we can’t. They are a blessing.
Chapter 30
Connor
“Can I ask you something?” Declan hovers over me as I watch the surveillance videos from last night.
“Why are you asking me if you can ask me? No, you can’t ask me shit.”
“I’ll ask anyway.”
“My point exactly.”
“Do you miss her?”
He’s come to annoy me. “Who?”
“Jesus Christ, Connor.” Declan spins my chair and grabs my cheeks, forcing me to look at him. It’s like looking in the mirror, but his eyes show sanity behind them. “Do you miss her?”
“Maybe. How would I know if I missed someone?”
Dec releases me. “You think about her a lot. You fantasize about being together again.”
“Does watching the porn we made together count as fantasizing?”
“Um… Yes. You made porn?”