Iswore I saw the faintest flash of fear pass through Kieran’s eyes, there and gone within an instant, replaced by a grim sort of confidence.
Cock still hard and twitching against the barriers between him and my center, he offered just a little bit more of what I wanted: pressure,delicious pressureagainst my windpipe, the searing weight of his hand forcing me to become conscious of every besieged breath I took.
My body melted in momentary supplication, and Kieran swore under his breath.
“You’re gonna be the death of me, Arken.”
Take me with you,I wanted to whisper, but held my tongue.
Though I was lost in a haze of whiskey and need, I had only witnessed so much of Kieran’s self-proclaimed depravity thus far. And despite his claims for how deep it ran, and the fact that I got the distinct sense we were both still holdingsomuch back…I couldn’t bear the mortifying possibility that I was wrong.
Because what if I was the one with the darker cravings between us? Did he really know what manner of beast he’d awakened within me?
I didn’t just want his hand around my throat because it felt good, though gods, it really did. And the whiskey had done its job, but what I was truly drunk on right now was the fantasy of laying my life in his hands. I wanted to offer Kieran the power to decide whether I was allowed to breathe. Intoxicated by the idea of letting him force me to struggle beneath his hands—to bend, to break, tobegfor him in this safe darkness.
An honorific danced on the tip of my tongue, tasting like juniper, citrus, and cloves.
For several delicious seconds, Kieran pressed his hand against my throat even harder, practically using that weight alone to keep me up against the wall. All too quickly, I found myself released and catching my breath with a few quick gasps.
No.More.Gods,I wanted more. I needed more than that.
“Mmm,” Kieran hummed, eyes darkening. “My pretty little masochist likes flirting with death, doesn’t she?”
“Are you death in this metaphor?” I breathed, my bare feet on the floor again as Kier put a touch of distance between our bodies, his chest rising and falling fast. “’Cause that’s kinda hot.”
“Ssomething like that,” he replied with the slightest hint of a slur on his tongue. His hands were flexing at his sides, indecisive. Like he was still trying to figure out what he wanted to do with me and my bad behavior.
ThoughmyKieran had returned to me, the foul cloud of his earlier mood seemingly out of sight, I could tell he was holding back. Was that because he’d been drinking? For a man who claimed he wasn’t a fucking gentleman, he sure held on to far more reservations than I ever asked of him.
Come on, Captain.
“I think you liked that much more than you’re letting on, Vistarii,” I teased, taking the risk of being wrong. “I kinda think you want to do it again.”
His breath remained heavy. “There are quite a number of things I want to do to you right now that I probably shouldn’t,” he muttered darkly. “Not right now. Not while I’m drunk.”
Thought so.
“Mmm,” I mused, walking backward toward my bedroom, tugging at his belt loops. “How veryresponsibleof you.”
“I may be an irresponsible bastard most of the time, but there are some things I take seriously, Asher,” he breathed as I tried to guide his left hand back to my neck. He slipped his hand underneath my jaw instead, stroking my cheek with his thumb. “A rare few, perhaps, but still. This is one of them. Especially with you.”
The implication grew heavy, thickening the air between us both. It felt as though a silent conversation was taking place between our bodies, an understanding developed through touch, eye contact, and the slightest shifts in our expressions.
I’m not afraid of you.
I know you’re not.
I want it as much as you do.
I know you do.
It’s already yours for the taking, you know.
It godsdamned better be.
If not now, then when?
Soon. Just not tonight.