ARKEN
As Kieran began to expand upon our little arcane puppet show, crafting a variety of shapes and figures out of Shadow to come play with my Light, I felt a wave of gooseflesh rising across my skin.
As my golden tendrils softly sparkled overhead in wisps and swirls, the spires of his Shadow seemed to taunt and tease, his arcana encircling mine in a sort of whimsical waltz.
I used to play like this as a child, locked away and comfortably alone in the darkness of my room, whispering to myself, dreaming up tales of adventure. I had crafted my little toys out of more than just Light—but I didn’t want to think about that right now. Kieran’s steady hand had pulled me out of the dark, dismal place where I kept my most dangerous secrets hidden, and I had no intention of going back there.
Not when his Shadows made my body react like…this.
The urge to misbehave was rising with every passing second, but truth be told, my body was exhausted. I hadn’t had a panic attack in quite some time and had nearly forgotten just howmuch that piercing fear could wring out of me. I was certain this sudden onset of enervation had nothing to do with the fact that Kieran and I had spent the entire day fucking across every spare surface of his townhouse, though. No, certainly not.
After another few minutes of our silent, playful puppetry, I turned on one side to face him, planting my elbow against the mattress to prop up my head.
“Tell me something I don’t know about you yet,” I requested, testing my luck.
Some days, I felt as though I knew Kieran like the back of my hand. I had studied the man with the same degree of affectionate fascination I accorded all my favorite texts and faerie tales. I memorized every detail, every tendency, making note of all his patterns, all his quirks. And yet sometimes, a certain heaviness would pass through his expression, something utterly indecipherable glazing over his eyes when he thought I wasn’t watching him…and I found myself questioning if I really knew anything at all about this man.
“I think you know me better than anyone, Little Conduit,” Kieran murmured, turning to mirror my position. A touch of darkness was forming in circles beneath his glacial gaze, the comforting rasp of his voice deepening the more exhaustion weighed upon him, too. “Like, legitimately. I’ve never been this close to…well, anyone.”
I felt a pleasurable flutter in my belly, beating with the gentle chaos of a million moth’s wings. I had known that much—he made it apparent I was an exception, but there was something about hearing him say it…
“Surely, there’s got to besomething,” I teased, batting my lashes and offering a coy grin. “Come on, now, Captain.”
“Anything?”
“Anything.”
“Thirteen is my favorite number. My lucky number, if you will,” Kieran said softly, eyes a bit distant.
“I hate to break it to you, Vistarii, but I did, in fact, already know this. Yet another thing we have in common, remember?”
“I wasn’t finished, you impatient little menace.” He chuckled, flicking the tip of my nose. “I was about to tell youwhy.”
My eyes widened, and I pressed my lips shut firmly to avoid any further interruption. He laughed again, rolling his eyes at my dramatics before flopping on his back again, gazing up at the ceiling.
“If you recall, I told you I had a rough childhood, but things improved when I was taken in—informally adopted by another family.”
There was something slightly detached in his tone of voice, something almost…conflicted. I nodded along, not wanting to press. Insight into Kieran’s past, freely given, was a rare thing—and though I was starved for it, I would give him the space he needed to sort through what he was willing to reveal for now.
“They took me in when I was eleven,” Kieran explained. “And the first several years with them were…challenging. Moreso for them, I realize now, but it was difficult for me to learn how to live among them. Being around them was a very, very different experience from my early upbringing. Better, of course. So much better. They were welcoming, kind, educated, and empathetic…Meanwhile, I was…”
He trailed off, tilting his head, measuring the words before they left his mouth.
“I was a little fucked up, truth be told. For the first year or so, I didn’t speak. Not to my father, not to the staff…what little I said during that time was always reserved for Vi—” he coughed, the last word coming out too garbled for me to catch. “For my adoptive father’s son. My older brother.”
The brother he doesn’t speak to, I recalled, though they had been close for many years.The only family he has left.
“I hated him at first,” Kieran confessed. “My brother, that is. I think I envied the attention he received from…Well, basically everyone. He was Silas’ first and only natural-born son, and deeply beloved by everyone within the estate. And they all treated me with kindness, made efforts to be fair and equitable to us both, but…I don’t know. I was just a fucked-up kid, afraid my brother’s extreme importance in the world meant that mine was non-existent. His brilliance made me feel disposable, and the ease with which he moved through life made me feel like a burden.
Oh.I felt the tip of my nose prickle, relating a little too heavily to that last bit.
“He was fuckin’ stubborn, though. Dead set on figuring me out. I think I was almost like a puzzle to him—and not in a bad way. He was just…exceptionally smart. Even at thirteen, he had the sharpest of minds. You may be the only other person I’ve met who is quite so clever. My obnoxiously intelligent brother had never met a problem he couldn’t solve until the day I darkened their doorstep, and he was Hel-bent on figuring out the fix—the secret key to befriending me.”
Thirteen. So, fairly close in age. Only a couple years older,I noted.
“It took him two years. I’m sure that sounds like a long time, but all things considered, I’m impressed. Because even I didn’t know what the ‘key’ was. It’s not like I was waiting for him to pass some kind of test, I think I was just slowly warming up to them all over time. Very, very slowly, much to their chagrin.”
Kieran paused, closing his eyes for a moment. I watched that little bump of cartilage in his throat bob as he swallowed hard.