I snorted. I was sure he was.
“Sex would just complicate things, and his friendship means a lot to me. I asked him if we could keep it platonic. It’s a mutual agreement.”
“Mmm, I still don’t buy it,” Laurel said plainly. “I think the two of you should just bone and get it over with.”
Honestly? Sometimes I felt the same way.
I had no doubt that he and I would have great sex, but I didn’t know how to explain that the idea of sleeping with Kieran was vaguely terrifying.
Some rewards weren’t worth the risk.
It wasn’t like I hadn’t had my fair share of casual tumbles with pretty strangers. I could have sex without feelings involved, but shit often got messy as soon as I started to care about anyone. I had broken one heart back home—watched the way my love transformed a soft, gentle woman into something vicious, hard and cruel.
Sometimes I wondered if Graysen had softened again in my absence. For her sake, I hoped so. She deserved to be happy.
Kieran and I had obvious chemistry, but I had my reasons for keeping him at arm’s distance—reasons I couldn’t really get into with Laurel, either. But also…
He wore it well, kept it all hiding in plain sight, but Iknewthere were wounds beneath that man’s armor. There was a dark and deep pain that all of the charisma and cocksure energy in the world couldn’t quite hide, held within that glacial eye. I only caught glimpses of it sometimes, but I knew Kieran had his own reasons for keeping things platonic between us.
I would not let my own insatiable impulses introduce any more troubles or complications into that man’s life. Not when his companionship was such a gift, something I had so sorely needed.
Laurel prodded at my side with a fingertip, rousing me from my introspective thoughts.
“Nah,” I replied. “Not when there are plenty of other, less complicated options. Who’s your latest quarry, hmm?”
“Fates, don’t get me started on Cypress. She’s completely gorgeous and well-connected, but has the emotional availability of a boulder. I actually asked her if I could come over tonight and talk, and she said ‘Sorry, I’m going to bed early.’”
“Excuse me?! Did you tell her it was an emergency?”
Abyss take me, I really hated the noblesse. Even if that was Laurel’s taste in women, the lack of empathy was astounding.
“Yeah. I told her I had gotten really bad news and needed someone to talk to. That was her response. I guess she has some important dinner party tomorrow and needs her beauty sleep.”
“Laurelena Ansari, please break up with her so I don’t have to get into a fistfight with some socialite.”
“I’ll get around to it,” she said, her voice starting to soften as she got drowsy.
She was resting her head on my stomach, basically using me as a pillow as I ran my fingertips up and down her arm the same way Amaretta used to comfort me as a child when I couldn’t sleep. The scene would probably look romantic to a stranger, but unlike my weak excuses about Kieran, Laurel really was just a friend.
What I loved about Laurel was the fact that she was just as comfortable as I was with the concept of platonic intimacy. There was no confusion in this, as she snuggled into my torso for additional warmth beneath the blankets. She was like me, understanding that sometimesclosenesswas a much-needed comfort, one that we could give each other without sexual ties or mixed messages. We were both just very physical creatures, craving touch. I had no doubt that was another reason why Laurel probably outpaced Kieran in her appetite for new partners, and truthfully? I admired her for being so unrepentant about it. So completely and unapologeticallyherself.
Maybe that’s why she and I became such fast friends, whereas I struggled to connect with almost anyone else here in Sophrosyne. Laurel and I were just cut from the same cloth in many ways. I did wish that she and I could spend more time together, but her coursework was charted in a pretty opposite direction from my own. She had family obligations to study the path of a trade leader, and I had very little interest in mercantilism myself.
But even if our paths continued to diverge, I would always be there for her. Always. She had been my first friend in Sophrosyne, and I was a sentimental sap, grateful to have been there, to have provided some semblance of comfort in her moment of need.
Chapter Thirty
Kieran
Hans looked deeply uncomfortable as he stepped into my office, unannounced and unexpected.
“Hey boss?”
“Yeah?” I asked, glancing up over the stack of paperwork I’d been brute forcing my way through.
When I’d been offered the position of Scouting & Reconnaissance Captain last year, Hanjae had failed to mention how much godsdamned paperwork was involved. And Hans was approaching with even more in hand.Lovely.
“You’re going to want to read this one first,” he said quietly, handing me a scroll.