Long after the lecture had concluded and our class had dispersed, I found myself lingering in the arboretum, still utterly fascinated. Every corner and crevice had something new, something worth scribbling notes about in my journal—much to Laurel’s chagrin.
“You don’t have to stay here with me, you know, Laur.”
“I know. But damn. You’re really into this shit, aren’t you?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yeah, I am.”
“I know you said you don’t really have plans for the future yet, but… have you ever considered becoming a scholar? I’m sure you could specialize in Bios, join the ranks with our pals Jude and Ezra.”
I paused for a moment, tapping my chin with my drawing pencil, and then shrugged.
“There was a time where I thought I might go that route,” I admitted. “When I was younger, all I wanted to do was follow in my mentor’s footsteps and become a High Scholar one day. But not so much anymore. I love nature, it absolutely fascinates me, but it’s more of a personal connection. And I’m not much for teaching. Though I suppose I could become a researcher… I can’t say that path particularly appeals to me, though.”
“Does that ever bother you?” Laurel asked, her expression unreadable as she took a seat on the stump next to me.
“Which part?”
“The… not knowing what comes next. The lack of a larger life plan. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, Ark. I think it’s cool that you’re just here to learn. It’s just such a foreign concept to me. I can’t quite wrap my head around it.”
“It used to bother me a lot, actually,” I confessed. “Back home. The uncertainty of not knowing what I really wanted used to drive me insane. But I swear, the minute I arrived in Sophrosyne, something in me just sort of settled. It felt like I was where I was supposed to be.”
“Aw. That’s sort of beautiful, Ark,” Laurel said softly, smiling. “I’m happy for you, even if I do envy your ability to just… live in the moment.”
“It’s funny, when we first met, that was actually what I admired aboutyou,” I told her. “I thought you just seemed to float around with ease, like a little social butterfly. But there’s more to you than meets the eye, Ansari.”
Laurel snorted.
“Yeah, well, you know. It’s easy to play that role when it’s your social life that’s keeping you sane. Sure, there’s more to me than meets the eye, such as: the constant state of stress I’m living in these days,” she said. She kept her tone light, though I could hear the edge of tension.
“You wanna talk about it?” I asked, keeping my tone neutral and unimposing. I didn’t want to pressure her… I was just opening the door.
Laurel shrugged before releasing a heavy sigh.
“My family expects me to be in and out of the Studium within two years. An “accelerated path,” so that I can come back home and start to apprentice under Baba and Lord Ymir again. It’s like… It wasn’t enough that they’ve been grooming me for my entire life, right? Just because I was the first child to pop out of the womb. This High Advisor role has belonged to the eldest Ansari for centuries, and it’s afforded my entire family so much comfort, so many opportunities… So who am I to break that chain?”
“Do you want to?” I asked, continuing to sketch, though I was actively listening. I found that it put most people at ease if you didn’t stare at them while they bared their soul, and it was easier for me to focus on deeper conversations when my hands were occupied. “Break the chain, I mean.”
“That’s the thing,” Laurel said. “I don’t think that I do. I mean, before I ever came to Sophrosyne, I had already studied trade at the College of Torrents. I had already worked with the Merchant’s Guild, attended multiple trade summits—and believe it or not, I’m actually good at that shit, Ark.”
I arched a brow, but let her continue.
“I know, I know, you wouldn’t picture me in a room full of stuffy old viscounts and merchants, but I can actually hold my own with them. And I like that. I like knowing that I can make a difference one day. That I might guide Lord Ymir towards policies that serve Samhaven well.”
I had teased Laurel on several occasions about how she should consider a future in politics. I hadn’t realized that in a lot of ways, that’s precisely where she was headed. A role of influence amongst the Atlassian Courts.
“Godsdamn,” I murmured. “That’s actually pretty incredible, Laur.”
“Thanks,” she sighed.
“It’s also an incredible amount of pressure to be under when you’re so young. You’re what, twenty?”
“Yeah. I guess I was sort of hoping that I would have a little more time, you know? A little more freedom, maybe. Room to breathe. I’m afraid that the next two years will come and go in no time at all.”
Suddenly, I understood so much more about my friend and the antics of sleeping her way through the city. I had already gotten the sense that it was some sort of a reclamation of personal autonomy, considering the Ansari family’s plans for an arranged marriage in her future. I could see now that it went beyond a small rebellion, though.
Laurel just wanted to experience everything she could out here… while she still could.
I decided that I would endeavor to be less difficult when the woman tried to drag me out for drinks, dancing and rubbing elbows with our peers.