“Don’t play dumb, jackass. You set Arken up to find you like that, didn’t you?”
I raised a brow at the clearly protective tone of voice my direct report was taking. Did he really think he needed to step in and protect Arken’s feelings? He barely even knew the woman. Not like I did.
“You should know by now that I always have a reason for the things I do, Lieutenant,” I said quietly, staring him down.
“Yeah. I do know that,” Jeremiah spat. “And I also know you well enough to know that whatever reason youthinkyou had to do that to her,it wasn’t good enough.”
He didn’t know anything. Not a godsdamned thing. I had to clamp down hard on the rising fury in my veins, remembering that this was exactly what I had set out to accomplish. I needed it to be believable… even if it meant a little bit of faith lost between myself and the two men I trusted most.
“Are you questioning your superior officer, Fairchilde?” I asked, allowing haughty disdain to color my tone.
The forced attitude wasn’t playing nice with the gin in my system. It was making me nauseous, truth be told, but I couldn’t let on that this was all smoke and mirrors. Not yet. Not until she was safe.
“No, Kieran,” Jeremiah said, shaking his head. “I’m questioning myfriend, who is acting like a sick bastard right now.”
“I don’t owe you an explanation,” I bit out, and I heard Hans heave a sigh behind us.
Jeremiah just stared me down for a moment, his smoke-gray eyes still subdued but furious, and incredulous. Just a few days ago, he and Hans were so quick to assume I’d cast Arken aside soon enough. Why were they acting so surprised now?
“No, I suppose you don’t, Captain,” Jeremiah said slowly. “But you sure as shit oweherone. Find her. Apologize.”
A bark of laughter escaped my lips before I could really help myself.
“I don’t owe her shit, either. And you?Youdon’t givemeorders,” I snapped.
I heard a sharp intake of breath and turned towards Hans for just a second—morbidly curious as to how he, of all people,would be looking at me right about now. He, who had been so convinced that this was who I was in the first place. I barely had any time to parse the wide-eyed expression as my second-in-command opened his mouth to warn the other man.
“Jer! Don’t—”
I got my wish. Jeremiah Fairchilde’s fist met the left side of my face with a sickeningcrack—and oh, how I deserved that blow. He’d taken advantage of my blind side.Clever.
Part of me wanted nothing more than to swing back, just to tempt my lieutenant into beating me into a bloody pulp. I savored that pain as it shot through my skull—relished in the excuse to focus on anything other than the raw turmoil in my chest. But he didn’t even give me a chance to act on those baser impulses, which was probably for the best.
Without a second glance, Jeremiah walked away, muttering to himself beneath his breath. Hans shot me a slight, apologetic wince before following suit, leaving me alone in the alley.
With an aching jaw, I stepped back into the Shadows.
I had spent days trying to find another solution. Trying to find a way to avoid this. Trying to track Caen down. In the end, this was the only way to keep her safe until that motherfucker was dead and buried.
All of my best intentions aside, there had to be a special sort of torment planned for my soul in the Abyss, considering I was about to go stalk the woman I had just emotionally maimed. On purpose.
It was surprisingly difficult to catch up to her without rifting, though. She was faster these days, having stayed consistent with her strength training in preparation for the Physical Arcana test.
Impressive as ever, Little Conduit.
By the time I managed to catch up to Arken, I almost wished that I hadn’t.
She was sobbing.
It was then that I realized that even though I’d just seen her through a terrifying, near-fatal experience, I’d actually never seen Arken cry. Misty eyed, yeah. Full blown tears? Not until this very moment.
It was devastating. The way that the kohl from her eyelids left tear tracks running down those golden doe eyes, now rimmed in red, as she struggled to sniff through swollen sinuses, occasionally choking on a shaky inhale…
I wanted to flay myself alive for this.
I was desperate for a way out, regret coating my mouth and throat. I had to find another way. There had to be another way to keep her safe.
Buthow?