In allowing myself to fall in love with Arken Asher, I had damned her to a life of danger. I was painting a target on her back every time I had the audacity to touch what I had never deserved.
And the Fates were fickle, cruel bastards. As if this new threat was not enough to contend with alone, I also had to watch as, day by day, Arken’s faith in me collapsed. Every scrap of parchment she sent over the last few days was a dagger in my gut, knowing that I had all but abandoned her on the precipice of a very,veryimportant conversation. The cusp of a confession that might have changed everything for us.
When I left her bed that morning, I knew that I was leaving her vulnerable. I hadevery godsdamned intentionof coming back that night and assuaging any fear that might have remained. I wanted to kiss every bruise and bite, and remind her that for each and every mark I had left on her flawless skin, she had left her own permanent mark on my entire fucking existence.
What made this all so viscerally terrifying was the distinct possibility that everything I felt for her was mutual.Because myLittle Conduit was a stubborn, reckless, willful creature, and if she felt this, too? Fucking Hel, we were screwed.
So was it worth it, you dumb bastard? Was one week of perfect sex worth the risk of losing her forever?
If it had been anyone else, maybe. Maybe such glorious pleasure after all of the pain would have made the memory worth savoring, regardless of the cost. Not her, though. No.
She would never be collateral damage against my sins.
I knew what I had to do.
Chapter Seventy-One
Arken
Three shots of honey-whiskey on an empty stomach and a wounded ego had certainly been… a choice.
Even so, the liquor felt less like a buzz and more like a sedative as I went through the motions, trying my best to be present for my friends. This band wasgods-awful,though. Even Sia, in all her effortless elegance, had a hard time finding the beat as we danced together amidst throngs of our peers.
“Oh, look, Ark! Mason’s here tonight,” Laurel chirped, dancing with Hanna several feet away. I resisted the urge to cringe.
“She means well,” Sia murmured, wrapping a protective arm around my waist as Mason glanced our way. “But girl, please. We could find you something somuch betterthan Mason Park.”
My memories of that particular one-night stand had been effectively obliterated, so I had no real argument there. Though, to be fair to Mason, that was less about how forgettable he was in bed, and more about how infuriatingly memorable somebody else had been.
For the next few songs, Sienna attempted to distract me by pointing out other attractive strangers, offering tidbits of information on those she knew, and making scathing assumptions about those she didn’t. Her colorful commentary kept mejustdistracted enough to enjoy myself, legitimately laughing a few times as she exposed some of her own personal exploits.
That said, even when I tried to see through Sia’s playful lens of “alternate possibilities,” all I could really see was Kieran. He remained in the back of my mind, a presence that was somehow both haunting and welcome.
“Oh, gods no.Neversleep with an Archeron,” Sia was hissing in my ear now as a tall, curly-haired gentleman passed by. “Nathaniel is a skeevy prick, and his brother Emil simply does not bathe. I had to sit next to them both at a dinner party last month and spent the entire evening trying to devise a spell that would plug my ears and nose at the same time. Shadow can be souseless.”
At some point or another, halfway through the night, one of Laurel’s other friends had weaved her way through the crowd with bubbly enthusiasm. In truth, I didn’t bother to catch her name, though she had invited us all to join up with another group of friends at a different tavern, a few blocks over. I guess we weren’t the only ones who had been feeling less than enthusiastic about the band and their warbles.
We ended up taking her up on it. I downed the last of my whiskey, savoring the smooth burn in my throat and the warmth in my chest as we stepped back out into the night air, a throngof us just openly meandering through the industrial district. I was less familiar with this part of the city, so I linked arms with Sienna and attempted to tune back into their conversation. They were talking shit, from the sounds of it. Something about Percy Zephirin making an ass out of himself yet again, as we rounded the corner and made our way to the entrance of the smaller venue.
I had just about caught up on the story when suddenly, Laurel froze in her tracks.
“Oh,fuck,” Sia said, after craning her neck to follow Laurel’s gaze.
I couldn’t quite see what they were reacting to, the view obscured as the rest of the group was making their way inside. But all of the color seemed to drain from Sienna’s face when she glanced back at me, and her eyes were frantic.
The Hel?I was so confused—until the small crowd cleared the doors. Then, I felt my heart stop dead in my chest.
No.
There was no fucking way—but I wasn’t drunk enough to be delusional, and I was certainly not drunk enough to be imagining this scene of public indecency. There was a fever dream, a nightmare taking place right there on the opposite end of the dimly-lit room as various strangers milled about, blissfully unaware of my rising fury as my fingers curled and tightened into fists.
That fucking bastard.
“We should go,” Laurel said quietly. “Come on, Ark. Let’s just leave.”
But I wasn’t going anywhere. Because there he was, just a few feet away, after six godsdamned days of silence.
Kieran fucking Vistarii.