Arken
I wasn’t too concerned when Kieran’s raven showed up at my window later that night, in lieu of the guardsman himself.
I’m so sorry, sweetheart - I can’t come over tonight. There’s some shit I have to deal with for work… I could be pretty busy over the next few days. Be good. I’ll come find you as soon as I can.
Yawning, I scribbled back.
Miss you already.
Be safe, Sir.
His reply was instantaneous, and I felt my heart flutter over three simple words.
Only for you.
I ran my fingertips over the words, memorizing the indentations of his quill strokes against the parchment, relishing in what was left unspoken behind them.
Despite a glaring lack of warmth beside me that night, I fell easily into a dreamless sleep.
The second day was fine.
The third day was harder.
By the fourth day, I was starting to lose my mind. Kieran’s responses to my messages were growing shorter, more clipped—when they even came at all.
I told myself to trust him. I fought against every insecure urge to go outlookingfor him around headquarters, just to check in and make sure he was okay. Because if he wasn’t, he would tell me. If he couldn’t, somehow—Hans or Jeremiah surely would. Kieran wasfine, I kept reminding myself. He was the fucking Scouting & Reconnaissance Captain of the godsdamned Elder Guard. He could fend for himself. He was just busy.
That deep ache that I felt in his absence was haunting, but that was just… to be expected, right? Kieran and I had spent nearly two weeks straight together, only having parted for a few hours at a time. Prior to that, we had been through a near-death experience together. It was fair that I felt so attached… It was normal to miss him so badly that ithurt.
It was fine.
Until it wasn’t.
I slept like shit by the fifth day of Kieran’s absence, tossing and turning fitfully. He hadn’t said goodnight the night prior,and there were no messages waiting for me at my window. My confidence was beginning to unravel as I replayed our last night together, picking myself apart. Over-analyzing everything I said. Everything we did. I had a sinking feeling in my gut that this was somehow my fault.
I hadtriedto hide my feelings for him, I really had—but I had also lapped up every ounce of affection he ever gave me, and fuck, it must have been so obvious.
Did I scare him away? Did I disappoint him somehow? Was this all in my head?
Determined to get a grip, I swallowed my pride and summoned my sprite.
Are you avoiding me, Kieran?
I waited for over an hour. No response.
I’m sorry if I sound pathetic right now, K, but it feels like something is wrong. If you’re getting these, can you at least let me know that you’re okay?
That we’re okay?
I tried to disregard the way my hands trembled once his sprite appeared, thirty minutes later. I unfurled a scrap bit of parchment and a response that left me gutted.
I’m fine.
Logically, I knew that I was reading into this.
Kieran was a fucking upper-ranking leader, in an elite military force, that defended the largest godsdamned city in Atlas. While I had been spoiled with his uninterrupted attention for quite some time now, it wasstatistically impossiblefor him to be so constantly, readily available. He had more important things to do than keep me entertained, well-fucked, andemotionally comfortable. And he had every right to the space that he was currently taking.
I just wished that it hadn’t been so abrupt.