One of the last lessons Amaretta had taught me before I left had been about the concept of aetherflows, and how supposedly Shadow aether was the strongest resource for Light arcana. But that... that was arcana. Not Resonance. There was a difference.
Resonance was what came naturally to mortals born with it, the clumsy channeling of existing aetheric energy drawn from our surroundings. The aether in our bodies allowed us to attune to one element—or all six, in my case—and allowed us to essentially channel that element. With enough practice, we could learn to command its form and shape. When I toyed around with my dancing lights against my fingertips, I was pulling that Light aether from my environment. It became mine, but it remained Light.
Arcana was the conversion of one element of aether into something else entirely, drawing upon the pure aether in our veins to transmute that elemental energy at will. It was true control. True manipulation of the lifeblood of the universe. The complex science and spellwork of the gods.
I wasn’t trained. I didn’t know how to do it, only knew the very basics of theory at best. I hadn’t even paid full attention when Amaretta would…
But I could do this. I had to.
I had to.
I took a deep, slow inhale of breath and held it, tasting the purity of the air as it filled my lungs. I flexed my toes inside my boots, shifting my stance slightly so that I felt grounded, focusing on the power I could feel from the Earth below me. I tried to steady my mind the way that I had been taught, releasing that breath slowly, but my pulse was quickening instead of slowing.
What if I failed?
What if I succeeded, but it still wasn’t enough?
What if I somehow exposed my secret?
Did they already know?
Was this a trap?
What if? What if? What if?
How easily these fears found me in the dark, wriggling beneath my skin, biting into flesh, the venom of panic slipping into my bloodstream. I could hear my own breath grow ragged, unaware of exactly how much time had passed.
Was there a time limit? She hadn’t said, but surely they wouldn’t wait on me forever in the dark.
Again, I tugged at my Resonance and felt nothing. Was this the purpose of the elixir? Some sort of blend of herbs that blocked my aether, making the trial a test of strength and will? Or was I just choking under pressure, buckling under the weight of what I wanted so badly?
I felt as though I stood on the precipice of fate, the next step into a new life just out of reach. If I fell back now, what would be left for me?
Could I really go home to the Brindlewoods and pretend that it was enough, now that I had sailed through the Western Seas? Now that I had ridden through the lush hills and grasslands of Pyrhhas, and gazed upon the sparkling City of the Gods?
No. I really couldn’t.
I wanted answers. I wanted more. I wanted to live and to learn and to find whatever it was that had been calling me here, whispering sweet nothings in my ear for years and years.
Find yourself, Arken. You’re ready. It’s time.
I was going to pass this godsdamned trial if it killed me.
With another sharp inhale, I tugged hard against that core of arcane energy I knew I held within. It was mine to command, and I felt the familiar prickle against my fingertips as powerawakened, answering my adamant call. This time when I pulled, the Shadows came.
Drawing in this form of aether did not feel the same as drawing in my well-acquainted Light. Though I had felt Shadow before, I had never used it with intention. Such was the case with every element for me, except for Light. This energy was cold and smoky, feeling foreign and much less pliant than the warmth of Light as I willed it towards me with outstretched fingers. There was a slight opposition—a tangible resistance that tried to suggest this element was not mine to wield, that this power didn’t belong to me.
Butit did.
All six of them did. For whatever reason.
I had manifested this darkness before, accidental or not. If I could hold it like this, I could convert it. If I could hold it like this, it was mine. I pushed up against that internal resistance, gritting my teeth as I strained against an invisible barrier in my chest. A small bead of sweat formed on my brow as I struggled to use the power I had been wielding with ease for the last ten years of my life.
Gods. Why was this so fucking hard?
My chest was beginning to tighten and constrict, head throbbing and throat dry as the Shadow aether I held continued to resist. I could feel its chaotic nature tangling around and whipping itself back and forth inside of me, refusing to bend to my will. Nausea roiled in my gut and I fought off the urge to release it all. To just give up and let the Shadows go.
Stop, I commanded—as if the aether was a sentient beast. As if it could hear me. Somehow, the chaos stilled long enough for me to take another deep, heavy breath. I shut my eyes out of habit, not that it made a difference here. But the feel of my lashes against my cheeks was calming all the same.