All the questions Ziggy had been thinking about but was almost too afraid to ask. It wasn’t jealousy. She was long over that. But Noah was a private person, and his past love life was just that. And she respected it just like he’d always respected hers.
"No." Noah blew into his coffee, but didn’t bring it to his lips. "Last time I saw her was about a month ago. It was at a party where we called it quits. After that, there was nothing on either side. No calls, no texts, nothing." He lifted his mug and took a slow sip, staring into the liquid like it had answers.
“Who initiated the breakup?” Cormac asked.
“I was going to break up with her before the party, but we hadn’t seen each other for a few days, and I figured I’d do it after the party. But things were weird and awkward, and she pulled me aside and told me she’d been done with me for weeks, but could never find the right time to tell me. I laughed and told her it was mutual, then left. That was it. There was no fight, nothing. It just ended.”
“Most relationships don’t just stop like that,” Ziggy asked. “Something had to have happened.”
“It was more like what didn’t, because I couldn't show up the way she wanted or needed me to.” Noah locked gazes with Ziggy. “But mostly because she knew, and we did fight about that.”
"Knew what?"
“That I was in love with someone else." There was no drama in the way Noah said the words. He stated them as fact. “Most of the women I went out with figured it out at some point. Some knew it was you. Others just knew there was someone else who pulled my attention. Monica knew, going in, that I was in love with you, and it was always the problem. I never claimed otherwise because I was so exhausted by the whole pretense that I just stopped."
Ziggy stared at Noah with her breath caught in her throat. She’d loved this man for as long as she’d known him. And for a few months, five years ago, she thought that maybe she could have him. But that all changed the moment he decided that her knowing his secret made him a liability.
That was never true. But she’d watched the women he dated walk in and walk out, and in that moment, she thought she’d allowed herself to be another one of those girls. Somewhere, for Noah, all that changed, but he’d kept it to himself. “You could have told me," she said.
“It wasn’t that simple or that easy, and you know it.”
“It’s as simple as three little words.”
"I’ll be apologizing for that for the rest of my life. But at the time, I’d convinced myself my reasons made sense." He set his mug down. "I was a complete idiot. And for the record, you haven’t said those words back to me.”
“And I’m not going to in the present company.”
“Fair enough.” He smiled. “But the second Cormac walks out that door, I expect them to come flying out of your mouth.”
She glanced at her notes, picked up her pen, and didn't write anything. She’d been avoiding those words. Not because she didn’t mean them. She loved Noah. That wasn’t up for debate. But there was a small part of her—a very tiny sliver—that still worried that before this was over, the sky would come crumbling down and her heart would break.
“I guess I’ll step outside. I don’t want to be in the way of words.” Cormac set his mug on the counter. "I appreciate the coffee."
Noah's phone buzzed on the counter.
Cormac stopped with his hand gripping the doorknob.
Ziggy's phone went off at the same moment—Jag's name on the screen—and she stepped away from the island and answered.
“Hey, big brother.”
“Is Noah nearby?” Jag asked.
“He’s on the phone.” She glanced at Noah, who mouthed,Andrew. “He’s talking to the show’s director.”
“Shit. Turn on the news,” Jag said. "But make sure Noah doesn't have anything in his hands first."
“Why?”
“Just trust me,” Jag said.
She turned.
Noah stood at the counter with his phone turned sideways in one hand, staring at a video, voices coming out of it, but she couldn’t make out what they were saying. He held his coffeemug in the other. His brow was pulled together, and his mouth pressed flat. His face contorted into something that looked like pain. Then his eyes widened, and he shook his head.
"Fucking bastard." Noah tossed his mug into the sink. It wasn’t a gentle toss. It was a slam dunk, and it shattered, the sound cracking through the kitchen like a mini explosion.
"Jag." She pushed the phone to her ear. "What the hell is going on? Noah just watched something on his phone, and now he’s pacing and cursing.”