My vision blurs as I imagine them in the black room—my black room—our black room.
“Yes.”
He states simply as if it means nothing, and I suppose it does to him.
“I needed her, Tiffany. I always do.”
He pulls away, and this time when he grips my hand, my heart is cold. Disappointment washing over my shame that I am falling for the beast. When he relaxes, he appears a different man entirely. Somebody I could love; can see a future with. Andthen his true personality reveals itself like a giant red flag waving in my face.
As we head back to the house, my heart trails after me because until he no longer possesses any desire to meet with that woman, I can never see a future for us, no matter what he says.
CHAPTER 36
JOSEPH
I’m not sure it worked. Su Yin told me I must control my fear of open spaces. Of being unprotected and learn to live like a normal man. I doubt she realizes that nothing about my life is normal. She encouraged me to take my wife and stroll in the park to prove that nothing bad would happen and there isn’t an assailant waiting around every corner.
To a degree it worked, but the minute the shadows danced in my mind, I panicked.
What if I fall for Tiffany? Let her into my heart as well as my world. What if someone takes her from me? It would kill me. I can’t form any other attachments, not ever, but there is something so nice about having Tiffany walking beside me. It’s a drug that I couldn’t give up if I tried.
For the first time, I have someone solely for myself. Sitting beside me, smiling when I walk into a room, sleeping gently against me. No murderous thoughts toward me in her head, no agenda and no fucks to give.
It’s refreshing, addictive, and yet frightening. What if, when this ends, she decides to walk away? Leaving me with our baby because she will never be allowed to take that.
With a sigh, I pour yet another bourbon into my glass, noting the tray of champagne that Mrs. Harrington arranged with some canapés to whet our appetites before dinner with my mother.
Tiffany heads into the library and, as always, she blows my mind. Tonight she is wearing an emerald green silk dress that matches her eyes perfectly. The heels match and her purse the same, and once again her chestnut-colored hair gleams against the light.
“Evening, husband.”
She smiles cheekily, lightening the atmosphere as she heads straight for the champagne. “You are looking particularly handsome tonight.”
“I look the same every night.” I remind her as I raise the glass to my lips.
“True, but a wife can compliment her husband on his choices, even if they remain the same, surely.”
“Of course she can.”
I love the easy familiarity we share, the way she teases me gently, unafraid of my response. I’m aware life is difficult for Tiffany right now, and I am solely to blame for that, but it’s still strangely comforting that she is here at all. Perhaps Su Yin is right. I have a wife now and I should learn how to use her for my benefit.
“Tell me about your mom.”
Tiffany drops down on the seat beside me, and I immediately reach for her hand.
“You will like her. She’s sweet, kind, and interested in just about anything anyone has to say. But don’t underestimate her. She’s a powerful bitch when she wants to be, and the term mama bear most certainly was contrived by her.”
“She fights for her kids.” Tiffany shrugs. “There’s nothing wrong with that. At least it restores my faith in mothers.”
“Talking of which, I have asked Spencer to arrange a visit with yours. I’m hoping for tomorrow.”
“Why so soon?”
I choose my words carefully.
“Because in a few days’ time we are leaving on a trip.”
“A business one?”