These terrans before him, they were his people. They were his family. They werehis. Perhaps he’d not felt any right to the vor’Kanthar name for a long while, but it had always been his. And now it belonged to Shay. Belonged to Leah Audrey.
A few moments ago, it had seemed his chest couldn’t get any tighter, but it did now, flooded with a fresh surge of pride, of protectiveness, of belonging. Everything he’d given up or been forced to lose in his youth—things he hadn’t known would be so hard to reclaim—he’d found again. A place. A home. A family. But he had so much more now.
He had his tribe.
NINETEEN
Shay lay in bed, staring at the sweet, sleeping face of her daughter, who rested on her chest. It was surreal that Leah was here now. After nearly nine months of more struggling, fear, and anxiety than Shay could’ve ever imagined possible, after all the pain of the last day—the worst physical pain she’d ever experienced—she had this baby. This little person. All of it had been worth it. Even now, the memory of that pain was fading, unimportant compared to the love she felt for her daughter.
She’d spent a few more hours in the infirmary after Leah’s birth. There’d been a little more work for Shay to do; she hadn’t realized that the baby wasn’t the only thing that had to be pushed out, but she’d happily never think about the aftermath again. Sam and Urgand had cleaned Leah, fitted her with the cutest, tiniest diaper, and swaddled her in a soft blanket. Shay had been cleaned up, too, before she and Leah were scanned. To her immense relief, everything came up perfectly normal and healthy. Finally, she’d fed her baby and got some sleep.
Now she was back in the room she shared with Drakkal, enjoying the comfort and privacy—the former helped by thespectacular pain suppressants running through her system, which Urgand had guaranteed would not affect Leah through Shay’s breastmilk. Leah had fallen asleep again after another feeding and a diaper change, but Shay wasn’t ready for more sleep yet. She was tired, that was for sure—it felt like she’d strained every damned part of her body, right down to her eyeballs—but that was physical exhaustion. Mentally, she just wanted to stare at this beautiful wonder in her arms.
As she brushed her thumb over Leah’s soft, dark hair, tears stung Shay’s eyes. Had her mother felt this deep, immediate bond, this unconditional, undeniable love for Shay when she was born?
Shay knew the answer to that. Audrey Collins had felt it, even when Shay was at her most difficult, even though Shay had hurt her time and time again. Her mother had still loved her. Shay blinked, and warm tears slid down her cheeks.
“Grandma would have loved you, Leah,” she whispered, but even those quiet words were a struggle to get past the tightness in her throat. She sniffled as more tears fell. “I wish I could tell her how sorry I am. How wrong I was to blame her. So, so very wrong.”
“We all have our regrets,kiraia,” Drakkal murmured from beside her.
Shay turned her head toward him. He was sprawled on his belly with his arms wrapped around a smushed pillow and his face turned toward her. Though his eyes were half-lidded, they were as bright and alert as ever. His tail swept over her leg slowly.
Lifting her hand, Shay wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You didn’t. I’ve been awake for a while. I liked hearing you hum while you fed Leah.”
Shay wrinkled her nose, but her cheeks warmed, and her heart fluttered at his words. “So, you were spying on me?”
Drakkal made a sound that was half chuckle and half snort, scooted closer to her, and propped himself up. He rubbed his cheek against Shay’s neck and shoulder. “Making up for your mistakes isn’t about what you say, Shay. It’s about what you do. Even if you can’t tell her, you can show her spirit that you’ve changed. That you’ve learned from your mistakes.”
She smiled, closed her eyes, and tilted her head to allow him more access, reaching up to absently stroke his mane. “I’ve tried to do the right thing. After she died…I tried to leave that life of crime behind. I didn’t want to do it anymore,couldn’tdo it anymore, not after…” She drew in a deep breath and released it slowly, willing away the stinging in her eyes. “But I couldn’t cut myself off from everyone I used to associate with right away. That makes them real suspicious, you know? And Anthony…he just happened to be there at the right time, at the exact moment that I needed someone, and?—”
Drakkal’s low growl reverberated through her.
Shay chuckled. “Sorry. Life with him was shit, anyway. I don’t know why I didn’t just walk away, why I didn’t just move on. It’s not like me to put up with that. I guess I was just desperate to not be alone, you know? Somehow, I didn’t even realize at the time that he was dragging me back down into that life I wanted to leave behind.” She sank her fingers deeper into his mane and turned her face toward him until she was able to look into one of his eyes. “Then I found out I was pregnant. And when he told me to just get rid of it, enough was enough. I realized that I was being so, so stupid. I left him, left everything I’d known, and started new. I lived in a shithole of an apartment, worked two jobs that paid under the table and didn’t require background checks because I wanted a better life. I needed a better life…for her. For Leah.
“Do you think my mom was proud of me then? Because I thought about her. Every day, hoping that she was seeing me, listening, knowing that I was trying to make up for all the fucked-up shit I did.”
“I think that even when she wasn’t proud, she loved you,” Drakkal replied gently, lifting a hand to cradle her face. “Your efforts to do better wouldn’t have gone unnoticed by her.”
Shay leaned into his touch. That simple, uncomplicated contact between them was so powerful, so overwhelming, and yet so grounding; she’d never realized how much could be communicated through touch. Having someone in her life again who cared so much was…wonderful. She wasn’t usually the sort to get all mushy and sappy—though she could still use the pregnancy hormones as an excuse for now—but she cherished these quiet, tender moments with Drakkal. She was learning more and more that it was okay to let her guard down with him. It was okay to be vulnerable.
“What are your regrets?” Shay pulled back to meet his gaze again and moved her hand to the side of his face. “Who was that female azhera, Drak?”
That spark of fury reignited in her belly as she remembered what the female had called herself—Drakkal’slover.
He released a huff through his nostrils and smirked. “Not sure if I should be turned on or afraid when you make that face,kiraia.”
Shay’s brows furrowed. “What face?”
“You look like you want to rip something to shreds. Don’t know if it’s a threat…or a promise.”
She arched a brow and gave his cheek fur a gentle tug. “Guess it’ll depend on what you tell me.”
“Should I go stand on the other side of the room first?”
Shay scowled. “You’re not making this any better. Aren’t you supposed to like, I don’t know, calm your mate down whenshe gets all jealous and stuff? Not rile her.Especiallyafter she just had a baby.”