“I didn’t even get to say I was sorry,” she said in a small, broken voice. “Didn’t get to say goodbye. That Ilovedher. She died thinking I hated her, died knowing that her daughter was a criminal, a fuck-up, a walking, talking piece of garbage.”
Drakkal put his left arm around her shoulders and drew her against his chest. Shay offered no resistance; she buried herself against him, her shoulders shaking as her quiet tears became full-bodied sobs that wrapped around Drakkal’s heart and squeezed it. He rested his cheek atop her head and moved his right hand to the back of her neck. Her tears soaked his shirt, but he didn’t care. He just held her.
He held her as though it were the only way to keep his heart in one piece.
When her crying finally began to ease, he said, “My people have long believed that our ancestors watch over us from some place beyond death. That is what I meant when I swore not to abandon you by my blood—by the blood of the generations who walked before me. Their legacies shine on in our lives, and they watch to see what legacy we will make. Your mother and your father watch you, Shay. They’ve seen your shame, and your guilt, but they’ve seen your strength, too. And they know, even more surely than I do, that you have it in you to make them proud.
“I know that you’ve already made them proud. You’re here, and you’re alive, and you’re fighting for yourcub. No matter what happened, they loved you,kiraia, and they love you still in their place beyond the stars.”
She sniffled loudly. “You think?”
“I do.”
She pressed her forehead to his chest and drew in a deep, shaky inhalation. “Some humans believe the same. I was never the religious sort. But it…it would be nice if they were.”
“I haven’t been to my home planet in decades, but I haven’t forgotten all our ways,” he said, running his right hand down her spine and back up again. “Thank you for honoring me by sharing the memories of your ancestors, Shay. I will hold them along with my own.”
She drew away from him then, and though he was reluctant to release her, he did. His arms fell to his sides, suddenly useless. She looked up at him, her pale blue irises vibrant against the irritated red around them, and her expression became uncharacteristically self-conscious. “Sorry for blubbering all over you. It, uh, must be the pregnancy hormones making me all emotional.” She took another step back and wiped her cheeks with the towel. “But thanks. For listening.”
Drakkal’s palms—both of them, impossible as it was—itched with a want to move, with the desire to wrap her in a tight embrace and draw her against his chest again. He could take some satisfaction in having comforted his mate in her time of need, butheneeded more. He needed to give her more. To give her everything.
But all he managed to do was say, “Any time,kiraia.”
She removed the water bottle from under her arm and stared down at it, fiddling with its cap. “I just really don’t want to fuck up with this baby. I’m all it has. Everyone else is gone.”
Drakkal stepped forward and settled a hand on her shoulder, drawing her gaze back up to his. “Even if that were true, Shay, nothing on this world or any other would get through youto harm your cub. But you’renotalone. I’m here for both of you.”
She stared into his eyes for several seconds, unspeaking, and Drakkal’s heartbeat increased in volume to fill the silence. Her skin was warm and soft beneath his palm, her scent as sweet and alluring as ever, and the color on her face only made her seem more radiant. But none of that mattered now; all that was important was making sure sheknew,without a doubt, that she could always rely on him.
The little crease that formed between her eyebrows and the downturn of her lips told him that she was torn, that she hadn’t quite accepted what he was offering, that part of her didn’t believe him. And it felt like…rejection. It sparked frustration and hurt deep inside Drakkal, though he knew in his heart and soul that she had every reason to doubt after the life she’d lived.
She had every reason to doubt him because of her guilt regarding her own perceived betrayals.
Finally, Shay dropped her gaze, shrugged off his hand, and said, “I’m pretty tired and sweaty. I’m sure I stink too, which I rubbed all over you. So…I’m gonna take a shower and get some rest.”
Drakkal frowned. All his instincts demanded he pursue her, stop her, and show her physically just what she was to him. Every cell in his body demanded he show just how much he wanted to protect her. Every molecule urged him to worship her body and ease her worries. He needed to make Shayhisin every way…and to convince Shay that he should behers.
But he only offered Shay a tight nod before she stepped back, turned, and walked away. He clenched his jaw as he watched her go and clenched his fists once she’d entered the stairwell and was out of sight.
Arc never had this much difficulty with Samantha.
That thought, rising unbidden from the recessesof his mind, only made Drakkal’s irritation flare. Partly because it was right—despite her initial timidity, Samantha had taken to Arcanthus quickly—and partly because it was a shitty thing to think. Arcanthus wasn’t at fault here, and neither was Sam or Shay.
Drakkal was the one who needed to act, he was the one who needed to figure this out. There must’ve been something more he could’ve said or done just now to prevent her from pulling away. She’d opened up, had shared old, painful memories, and he’dalmostforged that connection. He’d almost infiltrated the inner walls she kept up so much of the time.
Should’ve pushed harder. Could’ve broken those walls down without breakingher. My Shay is tougher than that.
And on top of all that, his balls ached like they’d been kicked by a tralix. It wasn’t just his instincts drawn to Shay, it was his entire body, and that desire was quickly becoming a frenzied need. He had no idea how much longer he could contain it.
His body thrummed with a desperate, restless energy that had suffused him down to the bones, a feeling reminiscent of the effects of enhancing drugs that were sometimes given to slave gladiators before a fight. Drakkal hadn’t felt like this in years, and he knew his hand wouldn’t be enough to assuage his desires. It hadn’t been enough for weeks.
Digging his claws into his palm, he forced himself to count to one hundred before finally heading upstairs. He needed to find a way to vent this energy before seeing Shay again, and that likely meant pushing his body to exhaustion in the gym.
But deep down, he suspected there was only one way to be rid of it for sure—there was only one person who could help.
FOURTEEN
Drakkal growled and shoved up the chest-press machine’s bar, which locked in place when he released the grips. He sat up, wishing the burn in his abdomen—the same burn radiating from all the muscles of his upper body—meant something. Wishing that it had made a difference. He hadn’t worked out with this intensity in a long time. Normally, it would’ve felt good. There would’ve been an underlying satisfaction to it, a euphoria sparked by whatever chemicals his brain normally released during hard physical activity.