My anger grows, churning in the wake of this conversation, and I lurch toward him, the suddenness of the movement taking Jrue by surprise.
He steps away before my finger finds its way to his chest and digs against his sternum. I make contact anyway.
He jolts like I’ve burned him.
“I’ve lived my entire fucking life ashamed of myself and having to hide from this world. I pretend like everything is fine when it’s not. I know exactly what kind of defect it is to be moonlocked. I’ve had to shoulder the burden every day.” A growl lifts my hackles. Seconds later I realize—it’s coming from me. “I agreed to the match because my father wanted it and told me it would help strengthen the bonds in the pack. So don’t you dare tell me I don’t care about them. I care about them enough to bleed for them. It’s not like I had a choice in being moonlocked. Just like I had no choice but to marry you.”
My stomach flips over itself.
My initial instinct is to shrink, to not make waves, disappear under something dismissive and cutting. I want to hurt him.
Because I care about my family, the pack, more than myself. I always have.
Grayson is right when he says I give way too much. I worry about others more than myself and my boundaries have never been clear. I’ll always sacrifice the pieces of me if it means someone else is safe or happy.
Jrue’s eyes narrow.
But why should I shrink now?
Why bend over backwards to apologize for something I can’t control, all because he called me out on it?
“You should be ashamed of your condition,” Jrue argues. “Being moonlocked is unheard of now because it only used to happen when a member of the pack was too weak to be a part of the community. You’ve pretended for so long, made excuses, and now you want what? Recognition? Like your sacrifice actually means something? You lied.”
Our voices lift and there’s no wind to carry them away, only a ringing hush throwing the syllables back to us. Battering my ears.
My heart drums painfully against my ribcage but I haven’t taken my finger from his skin. I grind it deeper as my resentment grows.
“I’m not the only one putting on a performance. You have your lips so close to my father’s ass they might as well be sewn on. No matter what kind of stunts you pull, he’s never going to give you the mantle of alpha on your own and you know it. You never wanted me. You wanted the position.”
Jrue sneers at me but his two seconds of silence confirm it.
Loss like a knife slices through me. Jrue had been as close to a friend as any I’d had in Ironwood. I didn’t want to mate with him, but he was nice to me.
Past tense.
We’ve known each other most of our lives. I always thought, with time, I’d grow to love him.
I angle my head to look at him.
“I lied to you,” I reply, my voice dropping. “It’s true. I lied to everyone. And you’re right, I do bend over backwards for the people I care about. Right now, I care about me more. I reject you, Jrue. I reject this match. This engagement is over. You’re done.”
The formal rejection forms on my lips before I realize I’ve spoken them out loud instead of inside my mind.
Once spoken, they can’t be retracted.
Jrue stills, his face wiped blank, blood draining from his face.
No matter what kind of hurt he’d expressed, he definitely hadn’t expected me to reject him. This argument might have stretched out for hours before he got his way, because I always cave.
Not this time.
A dozen explanations pile on the tip of my tongue and I swallow them all down. He doesn’t deserve any one of them.
“Mandi…” he trails off. “What have you done?”
“I’m making my stance clear. I reject you. Now get out of my sight.”
In the wolf world, this is unheard of, worse than being moonlocked. A huge blow to tradition and stability and I’m absolutely terrified of what it means.