The road blurred for a second. Not enough to be dangerous, just enough to remind me I was still inside my body. "Wait," I said, my voice moving faster than my thoughts. "Pick him up? What you mean?"
"The state's witness disappeared," he said. "And the judge threw out a portion of the evidence this morning. They granted him a bond."
My heart started beating harder, pressing forward like it had somewhere important to be. I kept my eyes on the road, tightened my grip on the wheel, and focused on the sound of his voice like it might ground me. "You... you sure?" I asked and immediately hated how small that sounded. "You sure this is right?"
"Yes, ma'am. The paperwork's already processing."
I swallowed. My mouth felt dry, like I'd been holding it open too long without realizing. "And he wants me to pick him up?" I asked, careful to keep my tone neutral and careful not tolet anything hopeful or bruised slip through. There was a pause this time. Not long. Just enough.
"He made it clear he wanted his children there," Mr. Simnole said. That distinction landed exactly where it was meant to.
I nodded even though he couldn't see me. Of course he did. Of course, that was the condition. The kids. Not me. Never me. "Okay," I said. "We'll be there." I ended the call before he could say anything else. The silence that followed felt heavier than the call itself. The car kept moving, the world kept going, but something had shifted under the surface, like a floorboard creaking in a house you've lived in long enough to know every sound.
Jules was coming home. He would be physically present in a way he hadn't been in over a year. My hands started to ache from gripping the steering wheel too tight. I loosened them slowly, one finger at a time, like I was talking myself down from something I hadn't meant to climb. I didn't know how I was supposed to feel. Relief didn't fit right. Neither did I dread. Everything landed somewhere in between, leaving me feeling unsettled, suspended, and unfinished. I told myself it didn't matter how I felt anyway. The kids mattered. They always did.
The gravel crunched under the tires as we turned onto the narrow road that led toward the prison. Trees crowded in on both sides, thick and quiet, their branches leaning like they were listening. This stretch of road always felt longer than it was, like it stretched itself out on purpose just to give you more time to think.
Julise sat in the passenger seat, chin tipped down toward her phone, thumbs moving fast like she was trying to stay somewhere else. Jezel and Juelz were in the back, leaning forward in their seats, talking off and on, pointing out the window at nothing in particular. They kept asking the same questions in different ways.How long he staying?Can he come to the school?He gonna be home tonight for real?And I kept giving the same careful answers. "He's bonding out," I'd said. "We just picking him up." I hadn't said anything more than that.
As the prison came into view, all concrete, fencing, and razor wire, something in my chest tightened. The building sat there like it had every right to interrupt our lives again. Like it hadn't already taken enough. I slowed down without realizing it. Then I saw him.
Jules and his lawyer stepped through the gate together, Mr. Simnole talking, gesturing with one hand, Jules listening but not really looking at him. He was dressed the same way he'd been when he went in, plain, dark clothes, nothing extra. Like time hadn't touched him at all. A thick folder was tucked under his arm, papers pressed tight against his side like something he needed to keep control over.
I pulled into a parking space and shifted into park. Before I could even breathe, the kids were opening their doors. "Daddy!" Juelz yelled, already halfway out of the truck. They ran toward him all at once, backpacks bouncing, shoes kicking up dust. I stayed where I was, hands resting in my lap, watching through the windshield as Jules dropped the folder and opened his arms. All three of them crashed into him. He wrapped them up tight, one arm around each, his head dipping down like he was trying to fold himself around them. His shoulders shook once, quick and gone, but I saw it. I saw the way his jaw clenchedlike he was holding something back. He held them like he was afraid that if he let go, they might disappear.
The sight of it softened something in me I hadn't realized was clenched. I smiled before I could stop myself. There was joy on my kids' faces. It was real joy, unguarded, loud. I hadn't seen it like that in a long time. It made my chest feel warm and heavy at the same time. Pride mixed with sadness. Relief tangled with something else I didn't have a name for.
I noticed Mr. Simnole shading his eyes, looking toward the truck. Looking for me. I unbuckled my seatbelt and stepped out, closing the door gently behind me. The gravel shifted under my shoes as I walked halfway toward them, stopping short. Close enough to be present. Far enough not to intrude.
Mr. Simnole reached me first. "How you holding up?" he asked, pulling me into a quick hug.
"I'm alright," I said automatically.
Jules still hadn't looked at me.
His attention stayed on the kids. His hands were moving over their heads, tugging Juelz closer, smoothing Jezel's hair, squeezing Julise's shoulder like he needed to feel all of them at once. Like if he acknowledged me, something else might surface. I didn't force it.
"All right, Mr. St. Jean," Mr. Simnole said, clearing his throat. "Remember, you're out on bond. Keep your head tight and wait for me to call you. We'll be in touch."
He turned to me and nodded. "Y'all take care." Then he was gone, walking back toward his car, leaving the rest of us standing there with no script to follow.
Silence settled in. The kids shifted, still buzzing, still close to Jules. Julise stepped back first, her eyes flicking to me and then away. Jezel hovered between us, unsure where to stand. Juelz clung to Jules' arm like he might float off if he didn't hold tight. I cleared my throat. "Come on," I said, keeping my voice even. "So we can get back. Y'all need to eat and get ready for school tomorrow." It wasn't the right thing to say. It wasn't the wrong thing either. It was just something to keep us moving.
I turned around and walked back toward the truck without waiting to see if anyone followed. The doors opened behind me one by one. Julise climbed into the third row and slid all the way back, pressing her forehead to the window. Jules lifted Jezel and Juelz into their seats, fastening their seatbelts carefully, like he needed the routine to ground him. Then he climbed into the passenger seat, movements stiff, controlled.
I pulled away from the prison lot, dust rising behind us. I turned the radio up just enough to fill the space but not enough to demand attention. The road stretched ahead, familiar and unfamiliar all at once. Nobody spoke for a few minutes. I focused on driving. On the curve of the road. On the sound of tires on pavement. On anything that didn't require me to look at him directly.
"Did you bring my phone?" Jules asked, finally. His voice sounded the same. Lower than most. Flat. Like it always had when he was keeping himself in check. I nodded once and pointed toward the glove compartment. He opened it and pulled the phone out, turning it over in his hands like he needed to confirm it was real. "Thanks," he said quietly. That was it. I kept my eyes on the road.
We made it home after about a forty-five-minute ride. The house waited for us at the end of this drive. The same housethat would now have to adjust again. I didn't know what this version of family would look like, and I didn't know where I fit in it anymore. We stopped and got pizza. The kids ate like they hadn't eaten in days, grease on their fingers, laughter too loud for the hour. Jules made sure everybody showered and brushed their teeth, voices drifting down the hallway as he reminded them of school in the morning.
I stood in the kitchen wiping the counters down, sipping a glass of wine I didn't even remember pouring. Things felt weird. I hated feeling awkward in my own house. "It's no point in him being home if y'all gon be weird and not talk to each other," Julise said from the end of the hallway, snapping my thoughts in half. "You ain't even speak to Daddy, Ma. Y'all didn't even hug."
"Julise, what?" I said, caught off guard.
She stood there with her arms crossed, that same hard look she'd been wearing more and more lately. "You heard me."
"Julise, you better watch your lil smart ass mouth," I snapped. "I'm getting real sick of you testing the limits with me." She rolled her eyes. "Get the hell out of my face." I heard her door slam hard enough to shake the hallway.