“How are you doing? With the Suboxone?” I ask, gently pulling him back from whatever thoughts are troubling him. They have a special bond from years of enduring trauma together. I want to ask, to learn more, but I also want to respect their experiences if they want to keep them private.
He nods. “Yeah, I’m feeling much better. I’m grateful for the help.”
“I hope it will help Jude, too.”
“I’m sure it will,” he says, his gaze watching the river.
A few long moments pass, and then I nudge him gently. “Are you in love with Heather?”
The question catches him off-guard, but he chuckles. “Uh, yeah...I think I am.”
“Have you told her yet?”
He shakes his head. “No. But I feel it.”
I smile. “You should tell her.”
He’s quiet for a few beats, but nods once.
That warms my heart, and I lay my head back on his shoulder. “I couldn’t ask for a better man for her. She’s been my best friend for so long and has helped me through the hardest parts of my life.”
He sighs, rubbing my arm. “I know the feeling. You're the best thing in Jude's life. Always have been. And honestly? I believe you'll be the one to drag him back from the edge.”
Chapter twenty-five
JUDE GRAVES
I wake slowly, like my brain and body connection is glitching. There’s warmth pressed against my side, and for one disorienting second, I think I’m somewhere else.
Then I remember the bathroom floor, and the way my stomach turned itself inside out last night. How the tiles leeched the heat from my skin until I was shaking so hard my teeth chattered. I don’t remember deciding to move. I don’t even remember getting up, honestly. I just remember opening my eyes just now and realizing I’m in bed.
With Adriana.
She’s curled into me, her back tucked against my chest, my arm slung around her waist. She breathes in and out in a lazy,steady rhythm. I don’t move, because for some reason, I’m afraid I’m dreaming and I’ll be right back on the bathroom floor, choking on bile and panic.
My entire body aches, and my thoughts are downright sluggish. There’s a sour taste in my mouth that’s pissing me off. Water would be nice. Or toothpaste. I stare at the ceiling, counting cracks in the plaster for a few minutes until Adriana stirs.
She makes a small sound in her throat, then presses her back more firmly into my chest. “Jude?” Her voice is hoarse with sleep.
“I’m here,” I say. The words come out automatically.
She turns her head just enough to look at me over her shoulder. Her eyes are puffy, like she was up late crying. There’s a faint crease between her brows that doesn’t smooth away when she blinks. Jesus, my actions are now making my ex abuser cry. The fuck?
She exhales a shaky breath, and nods. “I tried waking you. You were shaking and wouldn’t stop. You wouldn’t even acknowledge me.” Her face twists. “I didn’t know what to do.”
“I didn’t die,” I say. It’s meant to be dry. A joke, maybe.
Her lips tremble anyway. “I’m sorry,” she whispers.
Silence settles between us. It isn’t awkward, but it’s heavy. I remember what she confessed to me last night, even if I wish I didn’t. I hate the bitch for telling me because it just doesn’t help me. I can’t kill Nolan. Now I’m just stuck with the knowledge that my life really could have been different. The first murder that I committed, that forced me to leave Seaside, never actually happened. But every murder after did. So knowing the truth does nothing but make my soul cry out for a version of life that perhaps I’m living in an alternate universe somewhere.
She turns more fully toward me then, her forehead resting against my collarbone. I can feel the tension in her body. Hereyes flick toward the door, then to me. “I think I hear them coming,” she says.
“I know.”
And within seconds, the front door opens, and footsteps approach the bedroom quickly. Adriana stiffens instantly. So do I.
“Up,” Aiden demands, the scar beneath his eye looking more menacing in the low light.