“But—”
“Adriana,” I sigh, closing my eyes. “Please. I don’t want to talk anymore tonight.”
She nods, leaning into my arms again.
I don’t love her. I don’t even like her. But Iseeher. We’re two fucked up individuals. She used me for years to escape her mind. And here I was, trying to do the same to her. Butunlikeher, I wouldn’t have ever forced her.
I steer us back toward the couch, and she leans into me again. Eventually, her breathing evens out, exhaustion pulling her under. She goes slack in my arms, still clinging to me even insleep. I adjust the blanket around her shoulders and rest my chin lightly against the top of her head.
The screen flickers. The couple on it kisses, and I look away. I close my eyes and try to extinguish the thoughts that are attempting to crawl back.
Go away.
Go away.
Go away.
But the image comes anyway. My body reacts before my brain can catch up. My muscles tense the way they do when Alexei inflicts pain, when he holds her photo in front of my face and makes my world shrink to the size of it. His conditioning is working, that’s for damn sure.
Even now, I feel more distant from them. Angrier. More pissed that they just won’t leave me the fuck alone. Adriana sighs and nestles closer, and I tighten my arm around her.
I close my eyes again. The movie keeps playing, but my mind doesn’t.
Thankfully.
Chapter eighteen
MICAH PRESCOTT
I lower the phone slowly, like it might explode and kill me instantly if I jerk my hand at all.
Blocked.
Of course, the asshole blocked me again.
“Goddammit, Jude,” I breathe. I knew he’d see our photo from the Gala. I figured he’d be angry at me for not giving up on him...but the fucker wasenraged.
The back patio is dim with the usual cloud cover of an October afternoon in New York. I remember when I first visited this city years ago, before Jude and Nolan and all this shit. It was beautiful. I was an immature little shit, but I had a head full of dreams and ambitions. It was here where I first tried drugs.
And where I first overdosed a few years later. Then I met Nolan just months after that when he found me back in Chicago. Even if I was struggling with my demons, that small part of me still clung to hope that perhaps when I made it, I'd crawl out of the depressed pit I was in.
Nope. I just settled in alongside another damaged and beautiful soul. And now, I can't imagine my life without him.
Inside, through the sliding glass doors, I can see everyone crowded around the kitchen island, picking apart the takeout Rafe and Adela ordered. I can hear Heather’s laughter, slightly muffled but still full. That woman is going to be the death of me, I already know.
I sigh and check my watch. It’s lunch time here, so it’s likely near midnight in Moscow.
He sounded worse than I’ve ever heard him. Worse than during some of the harshest withdrawals. And even worse than the time he swore he didn’t care if he lived or died.
This was different. He’s panicking, realizing how fucking trapped he is. I couldfeelthe fear in his voice. I drag a hand down my face and inhale slowly, forcing oxygen into lungs that feel like they’re collapsing in on themselves. I can’t tell the girls. It would only destroy them. Emma already looks like she’s holding herself together with a goddamn paperclip and a prayer. If Jude is serious, and Alexei said he would sell her—
No.
I shove the thought away. I straighten, schooling my expression into boredom. Then I slide my phone into my pocket and head back inside.
What are they doing to you, Jude?
The question loops in my skull. He’s scared. He’s angry. He’s confused and lost. And I’m terrified. I don’t want my best friend to die.