He tilts his head. “You’ll forget what pain feels like,” he continues. “Soon, it won’t bother you. Mental, physical...you’ll be better than what you are now.”
My gaze falls to the floor, not wanting to look at him anymore today.
“Leave us,” Alexei says without looking at them. “I’d like a moment with Jude. Erik, you stay.”
Adriana hesitates, but Nolan steers her out anyway, following Alexei’s other men. The door shuts, and I’m alone with him. And Erik. He’s standing near the wall, arms folded, blonde hair damp with sweat, blue eyes unreadable. The same man who butchered my fucking vein. The same hands I’ve been wanting to rip off.
My pulse starts to race before Alexei even speaks.
“You did well today,” he says calmly.
I don’t like the praise. I avoid his gaze.
He steps closer, leather shoes on concrete. Then, he lifts his hand.
My body reacts before my mind does. My shoulders loosen, and my stomach twists with both relief and terror.I hate myself for it.
Erik moves.
I don’t resist when his hand clamps around my arm. I simply don’t have the energy. He shoves me back against the wall, cold concrete scraping through my shirt, and my head tips back as his forearm presses across my chest. I barely register the sting in my neck.
I gasp, warmth flooding my veins. The pain doesn’t disappear all at once. Itrecedes. My muscles feel like they’re unclenching for the first time in hours. My thoughts slow, like they’re sinking. My knees threaten to buckle, but Erik keeps me upright until I can stand on my own. Then he steps back.
Alexei watches me closely. I feel his gaze. “Better,” he murmurs.
My head lolls slightly. I force myself to focus. His steel-grey eyes are completely unmoved by what he’s just done to me.
“You fight like a man who expects to die,” he says. “That won’t do.”
My eyes lock with his.
“If you’re going to be useful,” he continues, “you fight like a man who expects tolive.”
A pause.
“And if you ever decide you don’t want to?” His mouth curves faintly. “Well, it would be really unfortunate for that pretty piece of ass in the States.”
My chest tightens so fast it steals what little air I have.
“She exists because you breathe,” Alexei goes on. “If you stop…her world becomes full of pain. Her little blonde friend, too. And…” he trails off, his head tilting. “Your old bandmates. So behave. Got it?”
I flinch.
He sees it. “So,” he continues, stepping closer, “you will stay alive. You will be ruthless. You will carve out every last inch of softness inside you and leave it bleeding out on this floor.”
He stops directly in front of me.
“You are not a man,” he says quietly. “You are aweapon.”
His hand snaps out, gripping my jaw hard and forcing my head up. I’m too high to fight it properly. My body betrays me again, heavy and loose and weak.
“Look at me.”
I do.
His eyes fill my vision. They’re calm, yet full of evil. “I can make the pain stop,” he says. “All of it. The guilt. The fear.”
My throat works, but I don’t answer.