The room goes silent again, and I feel sick.
I feel angry.
I feeldevastated.
Micah continues, softer now. “They let me go. I’m free from them. But Jude…he left to protect us, even if it doesn’t seem like it. Because they wouldabsolutelykill any of us if they wanted to. Perhaps not Nolan, but Alexei would. That’s why he didn’t want you to know about him. He was terrified that he would find out about you.”
My heart stutters painfully. “No,” I breathe. “No, that doesn’t—he wouldn’t—”
“He did,” Micah says. “For us. Foryou.”
I press my hand to my chest, like I can physically prevent my heart from just falling out, the stupid thing. Killing. Russian crime lords. Secrets so heavy they crushed him under their weight. Jude didn’t leave me because he wanted to. He left me because he thought it was the only way to survive.
Micah hesitates, then adds, “There’s more.”
I look at him, dread pooling in my stomach.
“The announcement went out this morning,” he says. “Dissonance is officially broken up.”
I narrow my gaze. “What?”
“I’ve been fielding calls all day,” he continues. “Finnick. Kami. They’re confused as fuck. No one knows what’s going on.”
The band is gone.
Judeis gone.
I lay back and stare at the ceiling, tears sliding silently into my hair. The wretched claws of anxiety are working their way back into my chest, even through the medicine somehow. “Heather, can you get the nurse? I need meds. Now.”
Heather nods immediately and stands, leaving Micah and me alone.
“I’m so sorry, Emma,” he murmurs.
I look at him, a hand still on my chest in an attempt to fight off the demon thrashing beneath my ribs.I love Micah, but I hate him, too right now.
“He loves you more than anything. You have to know that. In another life, he said things would have been so different.”
I bite the inside of my cheek just as Heather returns with the nurse. Micah lies back against the pillows and closes his eyes. As angry as I am, I understand that he also just lost his best friend.But damn it, why didn't he tell me? Why didn't he do more?
I’m standing in my kitchen, sunlight spilling through the window and warming the counters. Music plays quietly from my phone as I finish drying the last dish.
Jude rounds the corner, hazel eyes lighting up when they land on me. He crosses the room immediately and pulls me into a tight hug, squeezing so hard I let out a small yelp.
“You’re home,” I say into his chest. “I missed you so much.”
He smiles. “I missed you, too. How are my girls?”
Before I can answer, a tiny voice shrieks from the living room. “Daddy!”
We turn together as our black-haired little girl comes barreling toward us, arms outstretched.
“There she is!” Jude drops to his knees just in time to catch her as she leaps into his arms.
My chest warms as I watch him with her. I turn back to the counters long enough to wipe them down before arms slip around my waist from behind, his chin resting on my shoulder. When I glance down, the track marks on his arms are gone. I sigh, closing my eyes to enjoy his warmth. The love of my life. My husband.
But before I can spin in his arms to steal a kiss, he coughs, suddenly staggering away from me.
“Hey,” I reach for him, my fingers brushing his wrist—