I don’tknow.
My stomach rolls violently. I turn my head just in time, barely, bile burning up my throat. My body convulses weakly against the side of the couch as I vomit onto the floor. Even that feels distant, though.
“I’m 'kay,” I whisper again, because that’s what I’m supposed to say. Because if I admit I’m not, then something real happened tonight.
And I can’t let it be real.
Her hand moves to my hair, pushing it back from my forehead. She’s breathing kind of fast. “I’m here,” she says.
The words hurt, and I try to sit up. But the room slides sideways, blackness instantly creeping into the corners of my vision. My body gives up entirely, and I fall back against the cushions. My heart is pounding like it’s trying to escape the cage that is my ribs. I stare at the ceiling and feel nothing and everything at once.
I hear the ripping of paper towels and realize that she left my side. My eyes focus on her form, cleaning up the vomit on the floor. “I’m sssorry...”
She just rests a hand on my hot cheek. “It’s okay, Jude.”
My entire body tingles, and I sink away from consciousness.
When I wake again, it’s still dark. My skull throbs in slow, painful pulses, each one reminding me I am still inside my body.Unfortunately.I try to move, and something warm shifts against me.
Adriana.
Her head is tucked against my chest, her hair fanned across my shoulder, one arm draped over my ribs. She is still in her pajama shirt. I can smell her shampoo, and it clashes with the memories clawing at the back of my mind.
Blue eyes.
A hand on my throat. Another hand touching me. Touching himself.
The ceiling spinning…
My stomach heaves, and I jerk upright too fast. I nearly black out from it, but Adriana startles awake before I can fall.
“Jude?” Her voice is thick with sleep and panic. She pushes up onto her elbows, scanning my face. “Hey. Hey. You’re awake.” Her hand cups my cheek, and I flinch before I can stop myself. She freezes.
That is when it breaks open.Everything.
The bedroom. The weight. My own body refusing to respond, refusing to fight the way it should have. I taste bile and shame and fucking disgust.
“I didn’t,” I start, but my voice cracks like splintering wood. I swallow and try again. “I didn’t know he was going to do that to me.”
Her eyes soften. “What did Alexei do?”
I shake my head. It feels important that she understands this part. “It wasn’t Alexei.” My throat closes. “There was another man with him...” Blonde hair. Blue eyes. I wince. “I think his name is Henrik. He—they drugged me.”
Adriana sits up fully now. She pulls me with her, one arm around my back to steady me when I sway. “What happened?” she whispers, though it seems she already knows. She would. She’s already familiar with the rabid dogs in the fame industry.They’re the same here in this criminal underworld…just with sharper teeth.
My chest fucking hurts. “They kept giving me drinks.” I press my fingers into my temples, trying to hold my skull together. “I didn’t even think about it. I should’ve. But I didn’t. And then I couldn’t stand. I couldn’t…” My breathing starts to deepen. “He took me to a bedroom. Alexei just…he just sat in the living room and waited til Henrik was done.”
Adriana makes a broken sound.
“I tried to push him off.” My hands curl into fists in my lap. The fucking useless things. “My body wouldn’t listen. It was like being buried alive inside myself. I could hear my heart. I could hear him breathing. I just…I couldn’t fuckingmove.”
She goes very still.
“I remember the ceiling,” I say quietly. “And thinking if I focused on the fan, I wouldn’t feel it.”
Tears slide down Adriana’s face, but she doesn’t wipe them away. She keeps her hands on me. “Jude,” she breathes, and then she is pulling me into her so hard it almost hurts. The second her arms wrap around me, something in my chest gives way, and I am shaking with violent tremors that I cannot control.
“Oh my god,” she whimpers, laying us down. “That son of a bitch.”