I force my gaze to meet hers. Her expression isn’t satisfied. It’s…nervous.
“You’re not here,” she says softly.
I stare at her. The truth of it hangs between us. My pants are still half-undone, my heart pounding against my ribs. The physical ache is still there. “Why the fuck do you care?” I say, my voice flat. “It never seemed to bother you before when you were using my body.”
Her lips part, her eyes widening slightly. But she doesn’t say anything.
I sigh heavily through my nose, staring at her with a blank face. “Answer me,” I demand, wrapping my hand around her throat and squeezing enough to prove my point. How dare she deny me, when all she used to do was fuckingtakefrom me. Something ugly shifts inside me, and for a split second, I picture myself choking her. I could hurt her.Reallyhurt her this time. I could fuck her so hard she won’t be able to walk. My body tingles as I picture the power of it. The control. Of taking whatever I fucking want because no one ever asked me before they took from me.
“Why are you suddenly acting like you have a moral backbone?” I ask, hearing how horrifying I sound even as the words leave me. She writhes beneath me, and I press her back into the mattress without thinking, my grip tightening.
“I...I’m scared, Jude,” she whispers. “Stop.”
“Oh? Do you miss the power you had before? Is that it?” My voice is cold, detached, like someone else is speaking through my mouth. I don’t think I’ve blinked in minutes. I lean my head down and bite onto her throat. She yelps, her body tensing beneath me. My whole body is vibrating with a rage that’s violent and focused purely on physical relief. And then something snaps.
And I suddenly see what I’m about to become.
No.
I shove myself away from her so fast I fall off the bed, dragging both hands through my hair as my chest heaves. “I’m sorry,” I rasp, the words breaking out of me. “I’m—fuck. I’m sorry.”
Adriana pushes herself upright slowly, watching me like she’s still genuinely scared I’m going to hurt her. She has a hand on her throat where I'd bitten her.
Good, bitch. Be fucking scared of me.
No, no, no, no…
“I almost—” My voice fails. I shake my head hard, standing to pace once, twice, like I can outwalk this feeling of losing control. Alexei found the demon inside me and coaxed it to the fucking surface. My hands won’t stop shaking. I thought I still had a line. I don’t even know where it is anymore.
I collapse onto the floor and stay there for a long time, staring at nothing, trying to slow the pounding in my chest. The mattress shifts quietly behind me. I don’t turn around at first. I don’t trust what I’ll see in her face.
Soft footsteps cross the floor. Then she lowers herself beside me, leaving a few inches of space between us as we sit against the side of the bed. Neither of us speaks. The room is dim, the only light coming from the lamp near the window, casting everything in a dull gold haze that makes the night feel heavier than it already is.
Minutes pass. Maybe more, I don’t know.
She lets her hand rest on mine, and my throat tightens. I don’t move away. We just sit there, breathing the same quiet air, two people who don’t know how to fix what’s happening but aren’t ready to sit through it alone. I stare at the floor and swallow hard.
“I didn’t mean to,” I say finally, my voice rough and barely above a whisper.
“I know,” she says. “It’s okay.”
I wish I believed her...but I don’t.
Chapter thirty-one
JUDE GRAVES
They don’t throw me into the room this time. They walk me in. And when I woke, Adriana wasn’t beside me. That’s how I knew something was wrong. Erik is on my right, and Aiden is on my left. They guide me down into the basement and close the door behind us.
Alexei is already inside, leaning casually against the metal table, sleeves rolled halfway up his forearms like he’s preparing for paperwork instead of whatever this is. “Good morning,” he says pleasantly.
My jaw tightens. I don’t answer. But then my gaze darts over and lands on Adriana. She’s sitting across the room, wrists secured to the arms of a chair, ankles bound, a strip of gauzetaped loosely over her mouth that looks more symbolic than necessary. Her eyes are wide when they meet mine. There’s both relief and dread flashing in her stare.
Something twists in my chest, and Alexei notices quickly.
“Relax,” he says lightly. “This is not punishment. This is merely an evaluation.”
Erik presses a hand to my shoulder and pushes me into position in the center of the room. There are no restraints for me today, and that unsettles me.