He gestures, and Aiden steps forward.
Fuck.
They attach the electric clamps methodically, one to my collarbone, one to my rib cage, one on my thigh. The shakes are getting worse in anticipation.
Please, no. Please, stop.
Alexei circles me as he speaks, voice conversational. “You know what’s fascinating about the human brain, Jude?”
No answer required.
“It loves patterns. Associations. You show it something often enough, pair it with the right stimulus…it rewires itself for you.”
The first shock hits without warning, and my back arches violently against the restraints. A scream tears out of me, the world collapsing into pain. When it stops, I’m gasping, sweat pouring down my spine.
Alexei nods to someone behind me, probably Aiden. He snatches my jaw and forces my gaze to the screen Alexei is holding in front of my face. My stomach drops. It’s another old Instagram photo of her. She’s laughing, with sunlight in her hair, reaching toward the camera like she doesn’t want her photo taken. That stupid soft smile she used to give me.
Another shock. Longer.
I choke on a sob, and when I glance at Adriana, she has a hand clamped over her mouth, crying. There’s been so many days just like this that I can barely tell them apart from one another.
The fucker just won't give this up.
“You see,” Alexei murmurs, crouching again. “I saw all of your texts. You really loved her, huh?”
I refuse to answer. Then the screen changes to another image of her with Heather, grinning on her father’s sailboat.
Shock.
I scream this time. Can’t stop it. My vision blurs, and my body shakes uncontrollably.
“She’s dangerous to you,” Alexei continues, voice almostkind. “Every time you think of her, I want it to fucking hurt.”
Another photo.
“I showed her to Vlad, and he seemed tosalivate,”he growls, snatching my jaw and forcing my gaze to his. “So you’re going to be good. You’re going to break, little rockstar. And we won’t touch her.”
"I don't fucking care about her anymore," I rasp. "This is futile. You're just pissing me the fuck off now."
He grins. "Unlike you, I know how this works. I can't shape you overnight. It takes time. Plus, you're an addict. You'll chase whatever makes you feel good. I need to make sure that little bitch doesn't feel good, you understand? Because this is your life now."
Shock.
My chest hurts so bad I want to die. I can feel myself going numb, and the worst part is knowing what I’m losing first. I’m sobbing openly now. I thought I was past this. I thought I was past feelings.Fuck.My head hangs forward, spit and blood dripping onto the concrete. Somewhere in the haze, I hear Adriana whimper.
Alexei stands, satisfied. “Again,” he says. And in my head, I’m begging for my heart to just fucking give out already.
Erik forces that needle into my arm, and I let out a small moan that I loathe.Finally.The meth burns through me too fast. By the time Erik finally unlocks the restraints and hauls me to my feet, my hands are already shaking in a different way, jittering instead of craving. My jaw aches from clenching, and my thoughts feel like they’re sprinting ahead of my body. How can the human body take so much? How have I not fucking died yet?
“Seven o’clock,” Alexei says from behind us as we head for the stairs. “Be ready.”
The basement door shuts behind us with a heavy metallic thud, sealing the smell of blood and sweat down there where it belongs. Cold air hits my face when we step outside, and I inhale hard, chest expanding like I haven’t breathed all day.
Adriana walks quietly beside me, arms folded tight across herself. She hasn’t said a word since the session ended. Neither have I.
By the time we reach the guesthouse, my mind has made up what I need to do. I stop as she goes to open the door. “You should go inside,” I tell her.
She hesitates, studying me, like she’s trying to decide whether I’m about to do something stupid. Fair concern, honestly.