He lets out a breathy laugh, nods. “Yeah.”
Silence settles between us, but it isn’t uncomfortable. It feels familiar, like slipping into an older version of myself—the girl who used to fall asleep beside him every night, tracing constellations on his shoulder with her fingertips. Even when we were fumbling, even when we were young and stupid, we were content. We werehappy.
It was so pure. So easy. And knowing it was stolen from us...something inside me cracks. We could be married by now. Maybe a kid. Maybe a whole quiet life together. Who knows? I swallow around the ache.
Jude’s eyes flick to mine, and something in his expression shifts. Like he can feel exactly where my mind went. “Emma…” he whispers. “There’s something I—I need to tell you. About why I left.”
My breath freezes.
He sits up a little, back against the wooden headboard, running a hand through his messy hair. He looks younger like this. Raw. Exposed.
“I know I told you some bullshit back then,” he says quietly. “Told you I wasn’t ready for a serious commitment anymore.That I needed to pursue music...all that crap.” He huffs a humorless breath. “But that wasn’t it. Not even close.”
I lift my knees, wrapping my arms around them as I turn toward him. “Then what happened?”
He stares at his hands like he’s remembering. “If you remember, I went to LA,” he starts. “For a party. Some industry thing that Nolan invited me to. I thought it was my chance to get noticed.”
My chest tightens. I already know this is about to hurt.
“Well, I tried some hard drugs for the very first time,” he says, voice barely audible. “And I blacked out for a good while,there.” His throat works as he swallows.
My blood chills. I remember being worried about him that night because he wouldn’t text me back.
Jude’s voice breaks. “I—Emma, I killed a man that night. When I was twenty years old. Just weeks before breaking up with you. I came home and slept beside you knowing that I was a murderer.”
The room goes still, and my lungs struggle to work.
He drags his hand down his face and shakes his head. “After I sort of gained consciousness and realized that I was covered in blood…” His breath trembles. “I lost my shit. But Nolan and Adriana told me that it was just some guy who tried taking advantage of me while I was fucked up. He told me he’d taken care of it since I had every right to defend myself. So they covered it up.”
The world feels like it’s tilting.
“They told me,” he continues, voice hoarse, “that they could bury every trace of what happened. And me, being a stupid and scared kid, agreed. They said we’d make a killing with my talent and that we’d forget about it and move on. That everything would be okay.” He snorts. “Sure, I have enough money in my account to last me for life now. Except I look like a hollow shelleverywhere I go. But people still love the music. Lost souls make the most beautiful sounds, apparently.”
A cold, hollow rage begins simmering in my chest.
“That’swhy I left you,” Jude whispers, finally meeting my eyes. His look is agonized. “Because I knew what kind of world they were dragging me into. That I was already getting hooked on drugs. And I couldn’t take you there with me. I couldn’t let you get sucked into that nightmare.”
Tears burn behind my eyelids. “So you broke up with me,” I whisper. “Just like that.”
His jaw clenches. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I tried to make it clean. Tried to make you hate me, or move on, or...something. But I never stopped missing you. Not for a singlefucking day.”
I reach for his hand, and he grasps it immediately.
He lets out a shaky exhale. “I thought if I stayed away, you’d be safe. But then Nolan used me more. And more. Until I didn’t even recognize myself. And every time it got worse, I thought about calling you. Coming back.” His mouth trembles. “But I didn’t want you seeing what I’d turned into.”
I slide closer until our shoulders touch. “You didn’t turn into anything, Jude. You survived. All these years.”
He closes his eyes like the words have an impact. “I’m so fucking sorry,” he whispers.
I stare at my hands in my lap for a moment, twisting the edge of the blanket between my fingers. Then I take a breath, feeling it tremble. “Do you…” My voice comes out small. “Do you remember telling me you loved me? At the hotel?”
Jude stills completely. His brows pull together, confusion flickering through his tired eyes, and something in my chest twists hard. I look down quickly, cheeks burning.
“It’s okay,” I say in a rush. “You were exhausted, and high, and—”
“Emma,” he murmurs.
Before I can finish embarrassing myself further, he shifts closer, his thigh brushing mine beneath the sheets. He lifts his hand almost cautiously and cups my chin, guiding my face back to his.