Then the door bursts open, someone stumbling in, and I don’t hesitate. I fire. A loud crack reverberates, the impact throwing my stomach into my throat. Silence follows, then Adriana’s sharp laugh.
Nolan’s voice booms through the room: “Ugh, goddammit. Clean this up. Now!” Orders barked at men who rush to obey. I can barely hear him over the thundering in my own head.
All I can focus on is Adriana, shoving me toward the bed, the sudden intrusion of the drug erratically bouncing inside my bloodstream. My hands shake around the gun, every inch of me vibrating with adrenaline.
She unbuckles my belt and pants, and I’m suddenly hard as fuck against my wishes. That’s meth, though. forcing a body to desire. Her lips crash into mine, and my heart thunders in my ears, a chaotic beat that drowns out reason.
My skin feels hypersensitive, every brush of her fingers, every exhale against my mouth sending shockwaves through me.
“Come on, sweetheart,” she beckons, her voice dripping with a sweetness that makes my stomach tighten. She plucks the gun from my hand with a casual flick of her wrist and sets it on the bedside table like it’s nothing. Her legs part, and my vision swims as the drug pulls me deeper into its fog.
I don’t want this. I don’t wanther.
But my body doesn’t care what I want. Heat pulses through my veins, like my blood has turned to fire. My thoughts stumbleover each other, slipping through my fingers every time I try to grab hold of them.
I remember reading about this once. The rush and the endless energy. The insane desire to fuck. It sounded fantastic. But now it feels like a trap. I hate it because it pushes me toward the worst parts of myself. Toward decisions I know I shouldn’t make.
But I also know how this works. If I pull away, she’ll complain to Nolan. And Nolan will make sure I regret it. So I stop fighting, like I always do.Fuck it.
She sinks down in front of me, and the sudden closeness pulls a low sound from my throat before I can stop it. My hand slams against the wall beside me, steadying myself as the room tilts. Everything is too much.
The heat. The pressure. The way the drug turns the intensity of everything up. My mind isscreamingat me to stop, but my body refuses to listen, the damn thing.
I drag a hand through her auburn hair and pull her back up. Her green eyes flash, bright with surprise and excitement as I shove her back onto the bed. For a second, I just stare down at her, chest rising and falling hard.
Fucking masochist.
She has no idea what I actually want to do right now.
Adriana grabs my shirt and pulls me down into a hard kiss. “Yes, Jude,” she breathes against my mouth. "Take it out on me."
Shut up. I don’t want you.
I want to fucking strangle you.
Her words scrape against something ugly and primal inside me. I’ve only been with one woman for seven goddamn years. Even though I’m notactuallywith Emma, I feel fucking awful.
But I...I can’t stop.
I’m lost, a demon consumed by the drugs coursing through me. They don’t care about guilt. Their claws just drag me forward anyway. My thoughts scatter, dissolving under theweight of sensation and anger and everything I’ve been trying not to feel. The room fades at the edges as the moment swallows me whole.
Adriana gasps beneath me, her nails digging into my back. Every instinct in me says to stop and to walk away. Instead, I let the drug and the fury carry me somewhere I won’t have to think.
Shut the fuck up before I smother you.
When the release finally hits, it crashes through me like a wave breaking against stone. My vision flashes, the world narrowing to nothing but the pounding in my chest and the roar in my ears.
For a few seconds, everything goes quiet except for Adriana’s breathing beneath me. Her arms are still wrapped around my shoulders. I stay frozen, staring past her at the wall.
I hate myself. I fucking hate myself.
I yank away from her, every nerve on fire, skin crawling like it’s covered in hundreds of roaches.Why do I do this? Why do I allow this? Why…am I like this?
My hands tremble, and I snatch the gun from the bedside table, the cold metal grounding me back to earth even as my chest pounds. I stumble out the door, adrenaline making my legs feel like lead and fire at the same time.
“Amazing,baby,” Adriana calls after me, her laugh laced with a sharpness that indicates she’s also high.
I don’t answer. I just move. I run straight into Micah, and then there’s Nolan, leaning against the wall. Alexei’s there too, casually talking in the black-painted hallway, like none of this is crazy.