A smirk tugs at the corner of my mouth. “I’m confident I can kill anyone,” I say flatly.
Adriana’s nails dig into my arm. The pressure is a warning wrapped in fake affection. “Come on, boys,” she croons. “You look like you could use a little help relaxing.”
I glare at Alexei until Adriana turns me, leading us out of the room. We end up on a low couch near the window, city lights pouring in. My pulse is off-beat, my hands cold. Adriana crouches in front of us, voice dropping into that syrupy tone that always means trouble.
“You’ll need to be sharp tonight. Friendly. Fun. Like old times,” she says. “Listen, Alexei is important to Nolan. I saw you try to alpha him in there. Don’t do that.” Her fingers work—the flick of a lighter, the rustle of foil, the soft clink of glass. The smell hits me first. Chemical, clean, promising. It’s the scent of everything I know I can’t live without.
Micah’s staring at the table, jaw locked, shoulders twitching like he’s trying to outrun himself. I see the tremor in his hands. I feel the one in mine.
Adriana glances up, her lipstick smudged slightly. “Ready?” she asks, smiling like she already knows the answer.
And all I can think is:I saw Emma tonight.
The thought detonates in my skull. My chest caves. The sound of my own heartbeat becomes unbearable.
I inhale, and the meth enters my system, devouring my body, mind, and soul. Then the heat hits, spreading through my veins, setting my insides on fire, and my mind splinters. The high crashes in waves: warmth, then nothing. Everything, then, a vicious electricity.
Her eyes. Her voice. Her name is like a wound I keep picking open.
Help, baby, I’m bleeding to death.
“Falling Down”by Lil Peep & XXXTENTACION blares through the space, and my world fades. I’ve avoided his music for years because...because it reminds me ofher. Fuck.
It’s Micah’s turn now. I hear him cough, and Adriana laughs softly, sliding closer. Her perfume is sweet enough to choke on. Her hand finds my thigh, nails dragging gently, possessively. I nearlycry, because I know what’s coming.
She looked so scared for me. And I couldn’t even say a fucking word to her. I’d just stared at her. The only person I’d ever hold on for, even knowing my days are numbered. The sounds around me start to sharpen. Micah sinks back into the cushion beside me, gone in the same way I am. My head tips against the couch, and my blood catches fire.
The couch dips hard to my left, and then Adriana is moving, a blur of dark hair, swinging a leg over my hips to straddle me right there in the middle of the crowded room.
Micah’s hand, resting on the couch beside my thigh, twitches. The leather groans again, dipping further, and a burst of high, melodic laughter cuts through the bass. That’s when I saw her.Another woman, with platinum-blonde hair, was now perched on Micah’s lap, giggling with Adriana.
No. No. Please not Micah tonight. I’ll take it all. Please just fucking leave him alone.
Every time she does this, I go numb. It’s not exactly pleasure...it’s paralysis. The vibe changes dramatically as the song ends, another taking its place.
“In My Room”by Insane Clown Posse dominates the space. The shift is fucking jarring. I feel her hands on my belt, and my gaze is unfocused with the alcohol and meth. I’m so goddamn high, like every time she climbs on top of me. I’ve never moved on from Emma. No woman has ever made me feel like she did seven years ago. Adriana wouldn’t ever let me, anyway.
The vibe doesn’t just change with this song. Itshatters. Reality narrows to this couch, to the weight on my lap, to the bass thumping through the floor and up into my bones. The strobing lights and swirling bodies in the room force my heart into overdrive.This isn’t real.But my body doesn’t care. It responds with a primal, eager jolt, blood rushing south.
God, this song is so weird.
A low, guttural groan comes from beside me. Micah. Adriana answers it with a slow, deliberate roll of her hips, grinding against the now-straining hardness in my pants.Oh, fuck.The friction is electric, even through the layers of fabric. Her palms come up, planting themselves firmly on my chest, fingers splaying wide as if claiming territory.
And then she sinks onto my cock, and I let my eyes flutter shut, surrendering to the sensation like I always do. The music is so loud. My hands find Adriana’s thighs, tightening. But it’s not because I love it, it’s because I don’t really want it. Whatever.
She rolls again, a smoother, more practiced movement this time, and a breathy moan escapes her lips, tickling my ear.She knows.She knows exactly what she is doing, the precise angleand pressure to make my vision blur at the edges.How can I find pleasure in someone that I hate so fucking much?
She laughs and begins moving faster, establishing a rhythm that syncs perfectly with the pounding beat. The pleasure builds into an unbearable pressure, a knot tightening at the base of my spine. My eyes roll back, a cocktail of meth and hate and sheer, twisted desire pulling me under. My grip on her hips tightens, guiding her, meeting her movements with thrusts of my own.
I fucking hate her. I just want to kill her.
She shudders, and I am so ready to get this shit over with. The music peaks, people cheering at something across the room, and the lights strobe so fast it feels like I’m disappearing between flashes.
Whether I want it or not, euphoria crashes through me. My jaw locks, a strangled sound catching in my throat. Every muscle in my body goes rigid, my arms tightening around her, holding her hips down against mine as the world dissolves into a hot supernova of release. It’s a long, wild wave that seems to pull everything I have out of me, leaving me hollowed out.
I hate myself. I hate myself. I fucking hate myself.
For a moment, there is nothing but the aftershocks and the deafening music. Her hands relax on my shoulders, her weight settling fully onto me. Her voice is muffled against my neck as she laughs, a lazy, satisfied sound that is echoed by the woman onMicah.