I’m panting by the time he’s fully sheathed, my body stretched to its limit around him. He kisses my racing pulse, his body perfectly still beneath me, letting me set the pace. The surrender in his stillness is its own kind of power.
I begin to move slowly, rolling my hips. His head kicks back for a moment, his teeth digging into his bottom lip. The sight makes me feral.
“Take it slow,” he rasps against my throat. “Just like that.”
I nod, forehead pressed to his, eyes squeezed shut. I focus on the hot, wet slide as I rise and sink back down. The sting fades, melting until I’m moaning with every movement.
My pace builds. My hands slide over his hard chest, feeling the rapid thud of his heart beneath my palms. He meets me now, a gentle upward push of his hips that sends sparks shooting through my veins. Our harsh, broken breaths fill the quiet room.
He leans forward, his mouth finding my breast. He kisses it once before taking a nipple between his teeth, his tongue circling slowly. I cry out, my back arching, pressing myself deeper into him—into everything. The sensation is too much, dragging me closer to the edge. He’s the most incredible thing I’ve experienced. After having him like this again, I’ll never let him go.Never.
His mouth moves to my other breast, and I lose whatever rhythm I had left.
“Jude,” I moan, fingers digging into his shoulders.
He pulls back, eyes locking with mine. The hunger in his hazel gaze mirrors my own. “You gonna come for me, sweetheart?” he murmurs.
I can’t answer. My movements turn erratic and desperate, the pressure inside me tightening until it hurts. In this moment, I love him, but hate me. I need to help him. We need to figure this out together so we can have a chance at a life. I’m more me with him than without him.
“I can feel you,” he whispers, lips brushing my ear. “You’re right there. Keep going, Emma.”
He sinks his teeth into the curve of my shoulder, and I finally shatter. My vision blanks, my body convulsing around him, pulse after pulse tightening deep inside me. I cling to him as the waves tear through me. I’m helpless, breathless, and so in love with him.
Don’t go.
Don’t disappear on me again.
God I missed you so much.
The feeling of my climax pulling his own from him is the most powerful thing I’ve ever felt. He lets out a choked, guttural groan, his hips slamming up into me, holding mine down as he pours himself into me. I feel him pulsing inside, and it sends another, smaller aftershock rippling through my body.
We collapse together in a sweaty, trembling heap on the couch. His arms wrap around me, his face buried in my hair. Our hearts pound against each other’s chests, and it’s the only thing I can hear.
He shifts slightly, his lips finding my ear. “I love you so much.” His voice is a hoarse whisper. “I always will. Please know that.”
The way he says it makes my stomach clench. But I kiss him, passionately, drawing another moan from him. “I love you, too, Jude.”
Hours later, when I wake, the soft blue glow of a phone catches my eye. I crane my head to see that Jude’s no longer beside me in bed. He’s on the floor, bent over his phone, fingers swiping quickly. My chest tightens.Something isn’t right.I hold my breath, watching. I silently curse myself for not having super-human vision.
“Jude?” I whisper. He looks up, just the faintest shadow of a smile on his lips. “Who are you texting?”
He leans back against the bed, his silhouette soft in the blue glow. “Micah,” he says casually, his voice smooth, almost teasing. “Go to sleep, baby. I'll be right there.”
I bite the inside of my cheek, letting my gaze linger on him as he taps the screen again. Something about the way he hesitates makes me nervous. My intuition flares. He’s smiling at me like everything is normal, but the small tension in his shoulders, and theslight set of his jaw...part of me knows he’s lying.He’s lying to me.
When he finally curls up behind me under the blankets, his warmth against my back is comforting. But my mind won’t let me relax now. His arm drapes across my waist, and his breath fans over my neck. He doesn’t say anything else, even though he knows I’m awake.
I close my eyes, pressing my cheek against my pillow, letting him hold me. And I wonder if he’s keeping me safe or keepingme in the dark. I know I need to be more demanding with him. I’ve been too careful. Too clinical with him. I haven’t wanted to push him away. But things need to change, and I need the truth. Because I don’t think I’m getting all of it.
Chapter thirty-three
JUDE GRAVES
The needle shakes between my fingers. I can’t walk into a room with Alexei, Nolan, and Adriana with even a whisper of clarity in my head. Clarity makes me think. Thinking makes me hesitate. I just need to be high enough to deal with whatever they have to say.
I left Emma’s bright and early this morning so she could get to work. She caught me texting Adriana back in the middle of the night when she told me to meet them today. I’m not entirely sure she bought it, but whatever. Now, I sit on the closed toilet lid at my place, elbows on my knees. My skin is clammy from the shower I took an hour ago, and my hair is still a little dampagainst my temples. My ribs ache with the stress, anxiety, and withdrawal every time I breathe.
I draw the syringe up, watching the liquid swirl that promises oblivion. A few hours of not giving a shit. Meth is different from heroin in that way. To me, anyway. My breath shortens, but it’s not out of nerves. It’s out of sheer fuckingneed.