“I’m not leaving,” I rasp, hips slamming up into hers. “You’re everything to me, Em.”
I don’t mean it.
But I do.
I mean it with every sliver of my stupid, damaged soul.
The words do something to her. I feel her clench tighter around me, and the relief on her face hits harder than the pleasure. I shouldn’t be inside her, promising things I can’t keep. I don’t even know how much longer I’ll be alive.
I haul myself upright, hooking an arm around her waist and yanking her to my chest. She gasps as I kiss her. It’s messy and desperate and everything my soul needs. I can’t get close enough. I need her everywhere.
“You’re theonlygood thing in my life,” I growl against her lips, the truth tearing free before I can stop it. “I love you more than fuckinganything.”
Her body locks up, shaking as she comes again. The sound she makes destroys me. I groan into her neck, losing what little control I have left. My release slams into me, so I pull out and mark her stomach even more as I hold on for dear life.
For a long time, we just breathe. Her forehead rests on my shoulder. She feels soft and boneless against me, and it makes everything so much worse.
What am I doing?
When she starts to drift, I cup her chin gently, tilting her face up so I can see her. Her eyes shine in the firelight—soft, trusting, so goddamn full of feeling it knocks me off balance. I don’t say anything else. I don’t have to. She already heard the partof me I should have kept locked away.
Eventually, her weight settles fully against me. She falls asleep tucked under my chin, just like she used to. Gently, I take my discarded t-shirt and wipe her stomach. Then I wrap an arm around her, hold her close, and let myself follow her under.
Beneath the stars. Just like old times.
I sit in Alexei’s car for a full minute before I can make myself move. The little baggie burns against my fingers as I glare at it. Ugh.What the fuck did I do last night?I was trying to end itwith my sweet girl, but she drew me back in. And like a demon desperate for light, I agreed.
And when I awoke with her snuggled against my chest on the beach, my hands were shaking. She seemed to understand when I had to leave in a rush after reading my text from Nolan. I hate myself. But I’ll figure something out. Because...I can’t leave her. I just can’t.
And as much as I loathe this little bag of cocaine, I am going to need it since Alexei requested me specifically this morning. Without Micah. And I’d be lying if I didn’t feel a little fucking nervous about it. Nervous enough that my pulse is already annoyingly too fast. I make a quick line across my knuckle and snort it, the burn hitting like a punch to the nose. My eyes water, and the world snaps into sharper focus.
“Fuck,” I whisper, leaning back into the seat, waiting for the rush to possibly settle into something I can control. But it doesn’t. Not really. Not anymore.
I climb out of the car anyway and head toward the elevator that leads up to the rooftop bar. It’s one of those high-end Portland places with open-air and glass everywhere. The kind of place people go when they want to spend at least $100 per plate.
The elevator doors slide open, and I spot Alexei, Nolan, and Adriana instantly at a corner table set with white linen anduntouched breakfast plates. The morning sun makes everything too bright.
Alexei doesn’t smile. He just lifts his chin. “Good morning, little rockstar.” He motions to the chair across from him. “Take a seat.”
I do, doing my best to keep my expression blank. He seems oddly cheerful today.Damn it.
Adriana doesn’t meet my eyes. Nolan doesn’t either. Usually, he gives me a smirk or some kind of mocking expression. Today, he’s all tense. Just like our last meeting. The fact that the manwho’s been controlling me for the past seven goddamn years is terrified of Alexei scares the shit out of me.
Alexei’s fork scrapes across the plate as he cuts into a piece of fruit, like this is just any breakfast and not another descent for me. “One of the men who owns a club here in Portland owes me a lot of money,” he says, not bothering to soften his voice. “Too much. A shipment he was supposed to sell.” He looks at me. Hard. “I need you to go and remind him that his debt isnotoptional.”
I snort. “You want me to rough him up? Really?”
Alexei gives a small shrug. “You’re smart. You’ll know what the moment calls for.”
My stomach twists. Which means yes.
He leans back in his chair, flicking a lazy glance toward Adriana before returning his eyes to me. “And you’ll take your girlfriend with you.”
My jaw tightens. “Why?”
“A hot piece of ass like that gets you past thick-headed security without any trouble.”
Nolan freezes. Because whether he says it or not, he’s protective of her for some stupid reason.