“I am not abandoning you,” I whisper. “We have a plan, remember?”
He leans his forehead against mine, a broken breath escaping him. I wrap my arms around him, holding him tightly, because right now he feels fragile in a way Jude is never allowed to be. And as heartbroken as I am knowing that he was forced to be with that horrible woman last night...I can’t let him go.
I kiss him softly, holding his face. “Stay.”
His eyes close like the word physically hurts. “I can’t,” he murmurs. “I won’t be here long. And...a relationship isn’t realistic for me right now.” His voice drops. “I don’t even know how much time I have.”
The double meaning of it slices into my heart.
“We still have time,” I say quickly, panic threading my words together. “I won’t let them take you from me.”
He opens his mouth to respond, but I don’t give him the chance. My lips frantically find his. The scent of salt and smoke disappears, replaced by the sweet and familiar taste of him.
His hands hesitate at my waist.
“Emma,” he breathes against my mouth, pulling back just enough to look at me. “I’m serious.”
I shake my head, already kissing him again. I can’t hear this. I won’t. If I let him finish the sentence, it becomes real. My fingers curl into his hoodie, anchoring him to me like I can keep him here by force of will alone. The waves crash behind us, distant compared to the frantic thud of my heart. Our kisses deepen, heavy with everything we’re refusing to say.
Don’t go. Please. I love you. I don’t know how to survive without you.
His hands slide under the hem of my sweater, then stop. He pulls back again, breath uneven now. “This doesn’t change anything,” he says, jaw tight. “I still can’t be with you.”
“I don’t care,” I whisper, voice breaking. “I don’t care what happens tomorrow. I just need you. Tonight.”
His gaze searches my face like he’s looking for a reason to stop. For strength. For distance.
I don’t give him any.
I kiss him again, harder this time. I’m aware, dimly, that I’m pushing. The thought should make me stop.
It doesn’t.
Don’t do this to me again, please.
His kisses suddenly become more aggressive, and I tug myshirt off between them. His gaze darts between my eyes, forcing me to understand the seriousness of this night. That he’s still resigned to his decision.
I need you. I need you for the rest of my life.
We shed clothes clumsily, desperately, until the firelight paints him in flickering gold and shadow. We sink into the sleeping bag, the nylon cool for only a heartbeat before his warm and solid weight settles over me. I wrap my legs around his waist.
I can’t let you die.
He breaks the kiss, breathing hard against my lips. “Baby,” he whispers. The word is full of pain. It’s breaking my heart.
“Stop,” I pant against his lips. “Just…stop talking.”
His control begins to fracture. I feel it in the way his hands tighten. He swears under his breath, forehead pressing to mine like he’s bracing himself. “Fuck,” he rasps. “You’re not listening.”
“I am, Jude,” I say softly. “I just don’t care.”
Something in him finally gives. The hesitation disappears from his touch, like he’s finally stopped fighting the current and let it pull him under. His mouth finds mine again, no restraint left now. And I know, even as relief floods me, that I’ve crossed a line I won’t be able to uncross.
I need him tofeelit—to remember me, even if this destroys us. He kisses me back just as fiercely, one hand cradling my jaw, the other sliding down my body, lighting sparks in its wake.
His fingers find me soaked, and I shudder when he sinks two inside me. Pleasure erupts, my body responding despite the anxiety fluttering in my chest. My nails dig into his shoulders as his muscles flex, working me open for him. But suddenly, guilt crashes into my mind.
I shouldn’t be doing this when he was assaulted last night.