She sighed. “Does it make a difference?”
“Of course it matters, honey. I want to know where you are. That way, if you need me, I can ride in on my white horse. A man can’t just charge blindly, you understand.” When she didn’t respond to his teasing, he sobered. “You came by, loaded Indie up and then left without speaking to me. I haven’t seen you in two months.” He paused, his breath rasping across the microphone. When he finally broke the silence, his tone came across far softer than before. “Are you okay? Has something happened? You can talk to me, Mackenzie. Always. About anything.”
Her shoulders hunched. The implied censure, delivered with parental effectiveness despite the fact that she was twenty-fouryears old, worked. “You weren’t home when I picked Indie up. That’s all it was.”
“You could have waited,” he countered. “Any one of the hands would have told you I’d be home before sundown.”
“Sorry.” She hated having apologies wrung out of her, particularly because she never could do the same in reverse. Moving away from the apology altogether seemed prudent. “I had to be at the Covington place to arrive with Ty’s stud.” She reached out and tickled the lips of the horse under discussion.
“I understand.” Her father took a deep breath. “How is Gizmo?”
“Fair.” She heard a tractor fire up on his end. Kenzie imagined the way the belch of diesel exhaust would sully the cool Colorado air of the Malone place, could see the way the fields sloped away from the mountains, could almost feel the rumble of the big engine through her torso. “You feeding this early in the season? I thought the grass looked pretty good.”
“I want to increase the protein intake of the yearlings in pasture one, so I’m pulling a few round bales to run down to them. Have some good blood on the ground, thanks to you.”
His pride in her, so evident in both word and tone, made her squirm. That she’d lied to him and, worse, let that lie run on, gain a life of its own and encourage him to develop expectations of her she’d never be able to live up to? She had to shut it down. “Dad, I...” She stalled out.
“What’s wrong, honey? Talk to me.”
He loves me more than I deserve. This was the man she’d loved all her life. This was the man she related to with such ease. This was the man she’d always sought advice from over the years, particularly after losing Michael. And in return, he’d begun to talk to her about the ranch the way he once had talked to Michael. He’d learned to trust her instincts and valued her input because she never pulled her punches, never simply saidwhat he wanted to hear because he was Jack Malone. Not until now anyway. That particular realization doubled the weight of her guilt. She had to admit she’d lied. He wouldn’t stop loving her, wouldn’t turn her away, wouldn’t shut her out. Not as Ty had.
But when she opened her mouth, it wasn’t the truth that came out. Instead, she found herself recounting everything that had just happened, from the family’s insistence that she stay on the ranch to listening to Ty’s private monologue with his horse to the harsh words more recently exchanged. The only thing she omitted was the kiss. When the last of her troubles passed her lips, the only response she got was one of absolute silence. Nausea rushed up her throat so rapidly she fought not to choke on it. “Dad?”
“He’s reneging on the partnership?” The hostility in the question was hardly banked.
“What? No! Not exactly,” she said. “He doesn’t remember—”Because there’s nothingtoremember, her subconscious interjected. Go on. Tell him. Tell him that you not only lied, you kept the dishonesty running for months between the two of you. You’ve had ample opportunities to come clean. Tell him you didn’t because... Why? Why haven’t you?She couldn’t explain it to him because she didn’t have a remotely plausible answer for herself.
“What is it, then?” Jack Malone pressed. “Because I know what you’ve spent.”
“Are you checking up on me?” The idea appalled her.
“Not checking up so much as ensuring you had everything you needed while you were in Ohio.”
“Sell it to someone else, Dad. You know my initial trust fund deposit was enough to live off for the rest of my life. You don’t have to watch over me.”
Jack Malone hardly paused, let alone yielded his position. “I’ve seen the checks you’ve written, Mackenzie. That man has sure as hell taken your money without batting an eye. I willnothave him take advantage of your kindheartedness.”
She stepped away from Gizmo, her hands trembling so hard she feared she’d drop the phone. Pinning it between her ear and shoulder, she shoved her hands into her pockets and fought for calm. If her dad believed Ty had taken advantage of her, there would be hell to pay. She had to stop the momentum she could feel him gaining as his parental instincts kicked in. “Dad, it’s not what you think.”
“Then, what is it, Mackenzie? Spell it out for me, because from where I sit? It looks very much as if he’s abused your generosity. You can’t let people spin some bullshit story just to get what they want from you, particularly when you’re dealing with this kind of money and no return.”
“I thought you were fine with it.” The words were strained, the air in her lungs slowly pushing out as an invisible band of panic six inches wide torqued down on her ribs, increasing in pressure until black dots danced through her vision.
She had to slow down, regain control of the moment, her emotions, her situation. Now. Before it got worse. Panic attacks had been daily events after her brother died until intensive counseling and medication had taught her how to control them. Then they’d stopped. She hadn’t had an attack in years. This one had struck so fast she hadn’t been able to talk herself down.
“Dad,” she whispered, panic winding its way through that single word.
“Mackenzie?” Jack’s tone changed in an instant. “Talk to me, baby girl. I can hear you breathing hard. What happened? What upset you? Was it me? I’m so sorry, Kenzie. Just slow down, we don’t have to deal with this right now.” The sound of ice clinking against glass preceded theglugof liquid splashing into the same.He swallowed hard, then his voice was back, smoother, calmer. “Slow down, Mackenzie. Just slow down.” He took another sip, smaller this time. “This isn’t easy for either of us.”
“What?” she wheezed.Awfully early for him to hit the bottle.“What do you mean?”
“The panic. It’s chock-full of the worst moments of our lives. You relive it, I relive it.” He sighed, the sound weighted. “You were too young to lose your brother, let alone see it happen.” The sound of another sip. “It tore us all up.”
“I know.” Forcing herself to draw slow, deep breaths, Kenzie refocused on Gizmo. “It won’t hurt me to practice a random act of kindness, Dad.”
“Financially? No, it won’t, though I’m a bit irritated you’re wasting Malone money on a man trying to back out on his promise. A person’s only as good as his word, and you know I’m right. But that isn’t the only position to consider. There are the emotional costs you’re incurring.” He waited. When she didn’t respond, he continued, his voice rougher, harder, less compassionate that she’d ever heard it. “I won’t have your heart broken by some two-bit country kid who thinks he can bat his eyes at you, promise you a partnership and get you to fork over the cash to see him through a hard spot.”
“You didnotjust imply I’m too...too...femaleto be able to hold my own with a ‘two-bit country kid,’” she said on a raw whisper.