“Dammit, Lindsay. Before you make any decisions, stop and think about our baby. I’ll talk to you later.” He walked out before he lost it with her.
He slammed the door and hurried to his car, then drove away. Had she already closed her mind to his proposal?
Lindsay felt as if all the frustration and anger building in her since realizing she was pregnant had finally burst and she couldn’t act as if nothing had changed between them.
His controlling personality had surfaced in a big way tonight—a glimpse of what she would live with if she even considered his proposal. She couldn’t imagine being married to him and taking orders from him every day.
She hadn’t been able to resist his kisses, succumbing to sex, but afterward she regretted the intimacy. Sure, there was no doubt they were sexually compatible but, as she’d said many times, sex wasn’t everything. Outside the bedroom, she couldn’t live with him.
She had wanted him to leave. She wanted to tell him goodbye and not see him again until she worked things out for her future.
One thing her feelings were certain about was that she was not going to marry Tony. That would be disastrous for both of them.
Just as she’d expected, he had tried to take over her life tonight. In marriage he would take over her ranch, tell her what to do on a daily basis. Besides, they weren’t in love.
She could imagine Tony wanting to put both ranches together with him running everything while she stayed home to raise their child. That wasn’t going to happen.
In spite of her irritation with him, when she looked at the sofa, she saw Tony there, his marvelous, strong body, his vitality, his sexy lovemaking that still now made a tremor run through her. But it was over.
Though she was too upset to sleep, she got ready for bed and sat in a chair in the dark, her eyes adjusting to the moonlight that spilled into her bedroom.
Knowing she should go to bed but certain she would just stare into the darkness and sleep would still escape her, she sat where she was until she finally fell asleep in her chair.
When she crawled into bed, it was almost four in the morning. As soon as her head touched the pillow, memories of better moments with Tony bombarded her. Then she thought about tonight with him and felt her anger return.
The next day she sent a text to Abe that she couldn’t work. She needed to tell him about her pregnancy, but she had to get a grip on her emotions. When she talked to Abe, she had to be able to tell him that she had decided to turn the daily running of the ranch over to him, and she had to be able to say it without tears. She loved her ranch, working on it, raising her horses, dealing with livestock and making decisions. Her land was beautiful to her, spreading endlessly to a blue horizon with gorgeous sunrises and sunsets. Tony wasn’t going to marry and take that away from her.
She had been nauseated after breakfast this morning and she wondered if that was something she would have every morning. She needed to find a Dallas doctor, as well as decide where she would live in her ninth month.
Three days later she still hadn’t told Abe anything except that she couldn’t work. Soon he would come to see about her, but she dreaded telling him. He could keep it quiet, that she could count on. But him knowing just made it more real.
She tried to do some of her paperwork, but she couldn’t keep her mind on it. There was no call from Tony, but that didn’t surprise her. What did surprise her was how much she missed him.
She sat staring into space and thinking about Tony. If she wouldn’t marry him, would it hurt when he married later? Would she be able to watch him go out of her life except when it was necessary to see him because of their child?
She hadn’t considered that before and it hurt to think of Tony marrying someone else. If the thought of Tony marrying hurt, how much did she really care for him? Could she be in love with him?
No way she could be in love with him. He was too authoritative, too opinionated, so certain he was always right. There was a point where all her affection and his appeal came to a stop.
They would have their lives tied together for years to come, but going out with each other the way they had been had ended. She saw that clearly and felt it was for the best. Just as swiftly, she felt a pang at the thought of not going out with him, of not making love to him. Startled, she shook her head. Life with Tony was over and that was the way she wanted it. She would stop missing him soon.
And what about Tony? He might want out of seeing her just as much. He had been in shock last night. The proposal hadbeen a knee-jerk reaction. Now that he was home to think things through alone, his conclusions about the future might have changed.
The idea made her feel even more forlorn, as if she were losing someone important. As the day passed, she tried unsuccessfully to shake the feeling of loss. How long would it be before she stopped missing him?
Ten
As each day passed, Tony tried to adjust to the situation. Without thinking, too often he reached for his phone to call Lindsay only to stop himself. He’d reminded himself how mulish she could be. But that didn’t stop him from missing her.
Friday afternoon, the second of October, when he returned from work he saw Lindsay’s pickup on his drive.
His heart jumped and he sped up his steps, all tiredness leaving him instantly. Lindsay stepped out of her pickup and his breath caught in his throat. She wore tight jeans, a clinging red T-shirt with a vee neckline. Her hair was in the usual braid and she had a wide-brimmed brown hat on her head. She looked great to him and his pulse raced as eagerness to talk to her made him walk even faster.
“Hi,” he said as he approached, smiling.
She gave him a fleeting smile and he drew a deep breath because she kept a wall between them. He could feel her coolness toward him and knew there was a specific reason for her visit.
“Come in, Lindsay.”