“Yes, exactly.”
“I see.”
“Do you? Because you’re kind of reacting like I’m speaking a foreign language.”
“No, I hear you. I know what you’re trying to say.”
Still her voice sounds off, like she needs to swallow or there’s something stuck in her throat.
“Look, you don’t need to decide now,” I say. “I’m just trying to show you that you have more control than you think you do.”
Her stunned expression cracks. Indeed, her whole face seems to crumble into something unrecognisable, but before I can interrogate it further, she’s composed her features and her voice is back to normal.
“You’ve shown me a lot of things tonight,” she says. “And for that I’ll be forever grateful.”
Now I’m the one a little shocked and puzzled by her. “It sounds like you’re saying goodbye,” I say. “But I was hoping you’d stay the night.”
A little sparkle returns to Cassie’s eyes. “Okay, I’ll stay.”
“Good,” I say, and I don’t know what comes over me, but I bury my face into her neck and inhale deeply. I want to savour her floral scent – literal fucking roses – and the warmth of her skin. I don’t like how panicked I felt when I thought she was going to leave.
There’s another muffled sentence I don’t catch, so I reluctantly push up again.
“Pardon?”
“You didn’t hear me again?” Cassie says. “Do you have problems hearing?”
I swallow, feeling a sudden chill in the room. “My left ear is fucked,” I explain. “Has been for a while.”
“You mean you have hearing loss?”
“Yeah.”
“What does your doctor say?”
“What doctor?”
“You should see a doctor about it. There may be something you can do.”
“Like what? My hearing has gone after too many years in too many loud clubs and venues. It’s not coming back.”
“Is your right ear okay?”
I don’t reply, which is answer enough.
“Jesus, Pia.” She sighs.
“What?” I snap.
“You need to see a doctor. There are hearing aids and maybe some drugs that could help prevent?—”
“A hearing aid? Are you fucking serious? Have you ever seen a rockstar with a hearing aid!?”
“Well, I’ve never seen a rockstar release a song that says they are gay or bisexual or whatever, but that’s what you were just suggesting we do.” Her voice isn’t raised–at least not as loud as mine–but there is an edge to it. And it’s sharp enough to silence me.
“Fair point,” I admit sulkily but with the beginning of a smile on my face. It grows when Cassie’s expression softens.
“I don’t like fighting with you,” she says. “Not when we only have tonight.”