By the third line, she’s looking at me too, her lips slightly parted and her eyes wide with admiration. She has never looked more beautiful.
And then it’s her turn. She shifts the angle of her body so she also sings to me. I have no doubt that this was not the direction she was given in rehearsal, and I give absolutely no fucks.
Black hair, thin dark stare
You look good trying not to care.
Big lies, wry little smile,
I've known about you for the longest while.
I absorb every word she sings. Her voice is as memorable as ever. So deeply powerful and yet with this fragile tone that you just can’t fake.
Why haven’t we done this before?I ask myself. Why did we wait nearly a year to sing this song together on a stage? Why did I bail on her for the press tour? Why did I waste all that time trying to stay away from her when I knew that very first night she had crawled under my skin and made a home there?
And why, oh why, oh fucking why am I not shouting how much I love her from this fucking stage?
It’s time to sing the chorus together, with me taking the lower melody in the harmony. Just as I open my mouth to do so, Cassie abandons her microphone stand and steps closer to me, sharing mine.
It’s all the invitation and the confirmation I need.
I pour all the love I have for her into each word I sing. I look only at her. Even with a microphone stand between us, and without a single part of my body touching hers, the music connects us. Our music and our love binds us together.
What I want, is to know my love is true
What I want, is to stop feeling so blue.
What I want, is a love that's only mine.
What I want, is that for the rest of time.
We’re still singing to each other. Our eyes never straying away from the other. On the last line of the chorus, I shift my body, coming closer and grabbing the microphone. With just the quickest glance at my fingers, Cassie does the same thing, her hand landing on mine.
I maintain our eye contact as I dive into my second verse, feeling every single word break free of its roots in my heart.
Pretty girl, you smell sweet
Your scent likes to linger on my sheets.
How long, will you wait?
Until you accept the truth you hate.
Last year, in that hotel room, I thought these words were about Cassie, about her inability to accept who she is. But as I sing them now, I’m singing to myself.
I’m also talking directly to my stubborn self as I sing the chorus on my own because that’s what we do in the original recording. It sounds different without her sweet harmony, but this way I can really drive the words home to her. I can really tell her what I want.
She seems to listen intently, her mouth twitching occasionally, as if she wants to smile but there is something holding her back. Whatever it is, it doesn’t stop her from hitting her cue as she launches into her own final verse.
I hear, fighting talk
Maybe we should stop, take a walk
Femme Fatale, evergreen love
What I want is to rise above.
Those words. Those words, and the way she delivers them to me, are what have me hoping against hope that the future could be something I’ve not dared to imagine. That it can be as sweet and good as what I know Cassie believes in.