We go on like that for a while, trading deep, dark secrets and laughing while we slowly sip our drinks. Over the course of an hour, I learn that Ethan is banned for life from the market off Lincoln for stealing candy as a kid, has a fake dog named Biscuit that sometimes serves as an excuse to dip out of dates early, and thinks little toes are sort of creepy.
Just when I’ve convinced myself that I’m not so bad at this dating thing after all, a couple walks into the bar, and the air is sucked straight out of my lungs. My heart thumps painfully against my sternum, and my skin grows cold and clammy.
“Are you okay?” Ethan pauses his story to ask.
“Mmhmm,” I nod, my throat tight and my voice an octave too high.
I try to look away, to look at anything at all besides the tall, dark-haired man and the busty blonde making their way past the hostess stand, but it’s like my brain is no longer in control of my eyeballs. Ethan glances over his shoulder at the couple then back at me.
“Is that…?”
“My ex,” I finish for him.
“Fuck, Margot, I’m sorry,” Ethan says in a low, husky voice. “I picked this place because I didn’t think we’d run into anyone we knew here. Maybe he’s staying somewhere nearby?”
I shake my head, finally tearing my gaze away from Jeremy and his coworker-turned-girlfriend, or whatever the hell they are. “No, I don’t think so. I assume he’s staying with family or friends, and none of them live in this area.”
But I know exactly why he’s here. Jeremy wants the best of everything, and this bar fits the bill.
Jeremy and his date make their way further into the bar, headed for a table in the back corner. I duck behind Ethan, hoping that Jeremy doesn’t notice me sitting there. The last thing I want to do right now is have an awkward conversation with my ex-boyfriend. Ethan notices my evasive maneuvers and subtly shifts in his seat to block me from Jeremy’s view.
“Do you want to leave?” he asks.
I ponder my response for a few seconds. I don’t particularly want to speak to Jeremy, but I don’t want to leave because of him either.
“No,” I say. “It’s fine. We can stay.”
Ethan’s eyes roam over my face slowly, like he’s checking for any hint of a lie. “Okay, just let me know if you change your mind.”
For a while, things go back to normal. Ethan and I are deep in an ongoing debate of ours about how many penguins it would take to overthrow Ireland when I feel a heated gaze on the side of my face. Having almost forgotten that Jeremy is here, I scan the bar for the source of the unwanted attention and find a familiar face staring back at me. Our eyes lock for several long beats before Jeremy’s look hardens into a death glare, cutting to the man beside me.
“I think we’re making your ex jealous,” Ethan says quietly.
“Oh, he’s definitely jealous, but that probably has more to do with you than with me.”
Ethan’s brows knit together in confusion. “Why’s that?”
I take a slow sip of wine and focus my attention back on Ethan, ignoring the angry glare that’s still burning a hole in the side of my head.
“He never said anything about it, but I always got the vibe that Jeremy was jealous of you,” I explain. “When we met, we were just a couple of scrappy, young college kids. Jeremy was sort of dorky, and I loved that about him. He wasn’t afraid to be himself. But once we graduated and got jobs, everything started to change. He cared more about the way people perceived him,” I swallow hard, casting my eyes down to the hem of my dress, “and the way people perceived me. I used to think it was just a phase, but looking back, I realize that Jeremy is desperate for the world to see him a certain way: attractive, intelligent, and successful. You’re all of the things he wishes he was. Not to mention Denver’s Most Eligible Bachelor…”
Ethan looks at me for a long, quiet moment, his expression unreadable. Finally, he asks, “Who’s the woman?”
My eyes shift to the table in the corner, where the blonde next to my ex is now staring at me. We only met a couple times. I have no idea if she remembers me, but it’s clear she’s not thrilled that her date seems distracted by my presence.
“His coworker,” I say, tucking my hair behind my ear and adjusting my glasses. “They started dating as soon as we broke up, but I think she might also be the woman he cheated on me with.”
Emotions clog my throat. I don’t want Jeremy back, but the memory of his betrayal is still fresh. The sting is mild but present, like hand sanitizer on a papercut.
Ethan takes a long sip of his drink. “I thought he wanted the freedom to sleep around. Isn’t that the whole point of open relationships? I’m surprised he jumped straight into another relationship after you two broke up.”
I shrug, deflating a little in my seat. “My only guess is that they were already headed towards a relationship, and he was hoping for my permission to parade her around in public. She’s exactly the type of woman he would want to be seen with—tall, fit, blonde, and beautiful.”
Most days, I feel fine about the way that I look, but I’m also aware that I don’t check any of those boxes.
A muscle in Ethan’s jaw jumps as he grinds his molars. His eyes drop to my lap, where my fingers are fidgeting with the hem of my dress. He reaches out, gently pulling my hand away from my dress and tangling my fingers in his. Our intertwined hands come to rest on my knee. My chest tightens at the tenderness in his touch and the look in his eyes.
“Margot, I’ve been on a lot of dates with a lot of women. I’ve gotten pretty good at sizing people up,” Ethan says. He tilts his head ever so slightly towards the table in the corner. “When a woman like that sends me a message on Sip, I don’t even bother to respond. Do you know why?”