“Felt like what?” Ethan presses after a few seconds.
“I don’t know… contrived? Disingenuous? Like he’d been on hundreds of dates just like tonight and learned exactly what to say and do, and I was just sitting there without a clue about what to say in return because, on some level, it all just feels so fake. It felt like I was on a scripted dating show and had forgotten all my lines.”
Ethan’s eyebrows scrunch together and his jaw tightens like he’s thinking something over. When he swallows, I can hear the click of his throat in the otherwise quiet kitchen.
“Do you think you’ll see him again?” he asks.
“Definitely not,” I say with a brittle laugh. “I think I weirded him out by being too quiet. He didn’t really mention a second date. He just said to give him a call if I changed my mind about…” I cut myself off. How did I go from saying too little to saying way too much in the span of an hour? The inquisitive look on Ethan’s face tells me he’s not going to drop it though, so I grit out the last two words as quietly as possible. “… hooking up.”
A familiar cocoon of shame wraps around me. I could almost take comfort in it by now. Embarrassing myself in front of my boss has become second nature. It’s who I am now: gettingdrunk, crying, yelling at office plants, discarding my bra in a hallway, reading smut in plain sight. Oh, and let’s not forget about mauling him in his sleep then nearly kissing him in the morning.
Not that I’ll ever forget that…
The butterfly springs back into action at the mere memory of Ethan’s lips near mine. I try my best to wrestle it back down. Any imaginary flying insect that wants to take up residence in my stomach is going to need to have more realistic expectations.
“Well, that’s something you were interested in, isn’t it?” Ethan’s voice is stiff, and his eyes don’t meet mine.
“Maybe… but it just didn’t feel right tonight.”
He nods, his shoulders visibly relaxing. “Look, first dates can be awkward. You just need some more practice.”
“Yeah,” I say with exactly zero conviction. “You’re probably right.”
What I actually need is a powerful vibrator and some time alone with my harem of blue aliens. Vibrators don’t require talking. Same with aliens, I assume. We probably don’t even speak the same language.
“I should head home,” Ethan says, looking frazzled and exhausted.
“Alright, drive safe. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Good night, Margot.”
“Good night.”
Even though I still wouldn’t call this night a total success, I feel a little bit better about it when I crawl back into bed.
14
Ethan
“Well, that went horribly,” I say, closing my office door behind us.
“Yep,” Margot agrees, dropping into the chair in front of my desk. “Am I crazy, or was his answer to that last question completely unhinged?”
I take a seat across from her and toss my notes from the interview we just held directly into the trash. “Why do you think I ended the interview so abruptly? I’m going to have a talk with HR about their vetting process before we agree to any more interviews.”
“Seriously, where are they finding these candidates? Their taste in marketing directors is worse than my taste in men on that stupid dating app.”
I smile at this, partially because it’s true and partially because it’s the perfect segue into another topic I’d like to discuss with her. However, when I wet my lips to speak again, something gives me pause.
Over the past few weeks, Margot and I have solidified our friendship—not just at work, but in our personal lives as well. It’sa big change for us, but I can’t imagine getting through these last few weeks without her. Without knowing it, she’s really helped me through this transition with Sophia. And now, I want to help Margot as well. The only problem is that my idea pushes the boundaries of our newfound friendship, and I have no idea how she’ll react to my suggestion.
“Speaking of that, I’ve been thinking about your date.”
“That’s funny. I’ve been tryingnotto think about it,” she says, rolling her eyes.
“I’m sure it wasn’t as bad as you think, but it’s hard to diagnose the problem without seeing it with my own eyes.”
Margot scoffs. “Apparently, I’m the problem, and I’m right here. Take a good look.”