Donny wasn’t satisfied unless he was controlling and intimidating me. It had always been that way. It had just started off more subtly, and I’d been too dumb to see it at the time.
When he was out on bail, he’d driven by Chloe’s house, blaring the car horn in the middle of the night. Or triggering our alarm system remotely when we were asleep just to be cruel.
I typed official, legal phrases like “Escalation, behavioral patterns, and ongoing risk.” I attached all the emails and notes. The police reports from the prior incidents.
The idea of him being released early terrified me. Donny didn’t care about restraining orders, and clearly, he knew where we were.
A thought I hadn’t wanted to acknowledge plagued me. Should we leave? Move again?
The idea made me sick. Even from behind bars, even years later, Donny was still taking things away from me. Still punishing me.
I wiped at my tears with my sleeve and kept typing, focusing on remaining objective and organized. Eventually, I wandered over to the kitchen and plucked out what looked like a cranberry-flavored donut.
Then I went to the junk drawer and pulled out an envelope. I’d tucked notes, letters, and cards inside it as they showed up over the past couple of years.
On top was the latest card. I stared at the handwriting.Found Youscreamed at me from the yellow cardstock.
“Fuck you,” I said to the pile of papers. “You’re not getting out early, Donny.” My hands no longer shook with fear, but with pure rage. “Fuck you,” I shouted. “You terrorizedus. You stole so many years from me. And I’ll be absolutely damned if I let you steal from my children. If you take away their home and their happiness.”
With renewed motivation, I sat back down and finished typing.
An hour or so later, the kids’ laughter floated on the air, loud enough to hear inside the quiet house. Smiling, I looked out the front window. Josh was carrying Julian on his shoulders. It was a sight I’d never seen before. Julian did not like being touched and definitely did not want to be carried. He tolerated it for the pumpkin boat race, but he’d been clear that it was only because it was necessary.
They spilled through the door.
Julian darted for me, tugging on my shirt. “I scored a goal.”
“Awesome.”
“Mom.” Maggie was talking a mile a minute, her face flushed and her cheeks rosy. “Ellie taught me how to do this move.”
Ellie wandered to the sink and filled a water glass.
“Good game,” she said to Josh, a hint of a smile on her lips.
“Can Josh stay so I can show him my Halloween costume?” Maggie asked.
“Me too!” Julian jumped up and down. “I wanna see if he’s scared.”
“Okay. If he wants to.” I padded toward where he stood near my open lap top and clapped it shut. “Thanks,” I said.
He inspected me, a worried look on his face. “If you need to talk?—”
I shook my head. “All good.” Not today. For now, Iwanted to talk about Halloween and algebra and street hockey. He was so kind and so good. But his visceral reaction to what had happened, while not wrong, made me feel ashamed. Made me feel stupid. Like a woman who wasn’t capable of protecting her kids.
And right now. I couldn’t afford that.
Chapter 35
Josh
It had been a very long time since I’d gone trick-or-treating. But when Julian asked if Wayne and I would come along, I’d jumped at the chance. His zombie costume was very creative, and he’d affected the perfect limp. The way he giggled and groaned “Braaains.” At his sisters was adorable.
Celine wore a fairy costume, complete with gossamer wings. She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
“You missed an opportunity,” I told her. “You’d make an amazing Little Mermaid.”
She blushed, ducking. “Stop it. You do not want to see me in a shell bra.”