She sucked in a startled breath. “I can’t give you?—”
“I know. And I’ll take whatever you’re offering. There is no rush.”
“It’s just I’ve got to get through the parole hearing,” she murmured. “I’ve got calls with my lawyer set up, and I have to be interviewed by a member of the parole board. I’ll probably have to go back to Maine at some point.”
She was spiraling, the weight of what she perceived were my expectations on her pulling her down.
“Celine,” I said softly. Squeezing her hand. “I’m not asking for anything. You and the kids at family dinner today?Incredible. Sneaking into my bed tonight? A dream come true. If that’s all I get, then I’m okay with it.”
Her eyes welled. “I’m sorry.”
“Take care of yourself and take care of your kids,” I said, my heart aching. “I’ll wait forever if you want me to.”
Chapter 34
Celine
This house had settled around us like an embrace. The late afternoon sunlight slanted across the wooden table scattered with art supplies, Legos, and algebra homework.
Maggie was narrating her Halloween costume engineering while Ellie offered suggestions and pretended to do math homework.
Julian sat on the floor by my feet, arranging crayons in perfect rows, calm and comfortable. The cottage was messy, loud, and thriving these days. We ate dinners at this table and watched endless movies on the couch. Julian had lost a tooth last week and was so relieved when the Tooth Fairy had “found” him at his new house. After years of only surviving instead of living, this felt like a miracle, wonderous and special.
Beneath the warmth and calm, there was a knot in my stomach I couldn’t shake. Part fear and part hope. The parolehearing loomed. A shadow that continuously tried to drag me back toward a life I refused to return to.
But even with the dread and the preparation, I couldn’t ignore the dizzying awareness that I might be in love.
The most impossible thing at the most impossible time. But resisting Josh, with his quiet steadiness, his care for my children, and his unguarded honesty, was hopeless.
Especially when he’d opened up about his past. About the loss and grief and betrayal.
But was it possible to fit this joy and hope alongside all the terror I’d carried around for so long? How could I build a future while always looking over my shoulder?
I wanted Josh. I wanted this life and a future that wouldn’t cost me the safety and independence I’d worked so hard to build.
I was lost in those ruminations when my phone pinged on the table in front of me.
Chloe:you still haven’t submitted your statement. Do you need my help writing it?
Stomach sinking,I squeezed my eyes shut. I did not want to go down that road and reopen all the wounds. But the parole hearing was next week, so I didn’t have a choice. I’d do it not just for myself, but for my kids, who had never been as content as they were now.
Celine:I’m working on it.
Chloe: I know it’s hard, but you can do hard things.
That was my older sister,a veritable inspirational poster.
With a deep breath, I gave myself a pep talk. Then I picked up my laptop and headed to the couch. I’d just started typing out notes, hands shaking, when the kids all clambered to their feet.
“Josh,” Maggie yelled as she darted for the door.
“Wow. Hi, guys.”
He gave me a shy grin, and my stomach flipped. Dammit. The last thing I needed right now was a big, warm, sexy distraction.
With a box held out, he stepped inside, Wayne with him, demanding pets and cuddles. “Jenn sent me over with these. New donut flavors they’re considering.”
Ellie took the treats, and the three of them rushed into the kitchen.