He wrapped his warm arms around me and held me as Isobbed against his bare chest. The familiar worthlessness and fear rolled through me at a high speed.
“I was so dumb I didn’t even think to call the police,” I hiccuped. “His shitty behavior had become so normalized that it didn’t even register that this was a crime.”
“This is not your fault.” He pressed his mouth to my crown. “You did nothing wrong.”
“I did this to my kids,” I said into his neck. “Donny was a shit father, but if I had been a better mother, I would have seen the signs and gotten them out before it got so bad.”
“You cannot blame yourself.” He brushed my hair back from my face. “You were a victim too.”
Breath catching sharply, I pulled back and glared. “Fuck you. Don’t use that word.”
The thought was too much to bear. That word, victim, implied helplessness. Weakness. Every time I heard it, I wanted to crawl out of my skin.
“Sorry,” he said. “But you were in a difficult position. You didn’t know then what you know now. And carrying that guilt around with you every day? Does that help your kids, does it serve them?”
“Fuck you.” I slumped against him. He was being annoyingly logical.
“You can’t change the past,” he murmured. “Trust me. I, of all people, know that. And I’m not a professional, but they are pretty stellar kids. You’ve done an amazing job.”
“Anyway.” I swiped the back of my wrist across my face, clearing away tears. “That’s my story. And the best part? After the months it took to get him prosecuted and sentenced, he’s already up for parole.”
“So soon?”
I nodded, my chest tightening. “Yeah. I’m going to fight it. Give testimony and present evidence. Chloe hired the best lawyers, but it’s just so much.”
“That’s why you’ve been off this week.”
He was so damn perceptive. I considered telling him about the card, about Phyllis’s emails and the lawsuit, but I’d laid enough on this man today. And ultimately it wouldn’t make a difference. I wasn’t available. Not for something real.
“Yes,” I admitted, head bowed. “And that’s why, as much as I like you, this cannot be anything more.”
“I disagree.”
With a deep breath in, I studied his face, taking in his honest vulnerability and the kindness in those dark eyes.
“I have feelings for you, Josh. And acting on those feelings today felt incredible. But you deserve someone who is all in. Who wants the same things.”
“You don’t get to tell me what I want,” he said softly. “I want you, Celine.”
I almost threw myself back into his arms. Into his safety and his strength, where nothing bad ever happened. But that wasn’t real life.
“I want you too,” I said softly. “But the timing?—”
“Timing doesn’t matter. I’m not going anywhere.”
“This town is filled with so many lovely women. You deserve to meet a great person, do the dating things, fall in love, and have your own kids.”
He bristled, though he swallowed audibly and kept his tone even. “I adore your kids,” he said. “And I’d do anything for them.”
I believed him. Hell, I’d seen it with my own eyes.
“What about Annie? She’s pretty, and you have so much in common.”
Glaring, he roughed a hand through his hair. “Are you seriously trying to set me up with another woman while we’re both naked in my bed? You were screaming my name and coming on my cock twenty minutes ago.”
I bit my lip, face heating. God, that had been incredible. But I shook the thought free. “You know what I mean.”
“No. I don’t.”