"The light changed, and people started honking, and I got nervous, so I told him to pull down the side street and we could talk. He did, but then I noticed one of the cars that was honking also turned with us."
Adrian's nostrils flare, his good hand flexing flat and then into a fist against his thigh.
"I got out, and I was just about to call you when the man hit the phone out of my hand."
The memory sharpens, and for a split second, I feel exactly how I did when it happened.
"At first, I couldn't believe it. Like my brain told me that he tripped or it was an accident. He couldn't have done it on purpose."
I can still see it. The phone skittering across the stones, the cracked screen glowing with my background picture of us.
"I went to say something, and he rushed me. It happened so fast. Suddenly there were three, maybe four men, I don't know. I just remember struggling, then a sharp prick in my arm, and then I woke up in some kind of crate."
My voice cracks on the last word.
Adrian's breathing changes. It's shorter, more focused, like he's trying to hold his anger.
"It took me a few minutes to realize I was on a plane. That humming sound you hear now. You just know it, you know. Like what we're hearing now."
I look down at my hands. At the dried blood caked under my nails, smeared across my palms in dark, rust-colored streaks.
I take a breath. Here we go.
"I was going to get my hair done…" I stop again for another moment. "I wanted to look perfect for dinner, because…because I was going to tell you I was pregnant."
As soon as that last word leaves my lips, it's as if the air in the cabin changes.
Adrian goes completely still. Not the kind of still where he's thinking or processing. The kind of still where everything inside him has stopped.
I force myself to keep going.
"I had taken a test two days before. I wanted to tell you right when that plus sign popped up, but I wanted it to be special. We saw each other that night, but it was for that event for your father, and it felt rushed. So I waited. I thought our date night would be perfect. Since then, it would just be the two of us."
Tears blur my vision, but I don't wipe them away.
"I had it all planned out," I say and brush the hair out of my face. "Kind of. I was going to order your favorite wine and then not drink any, and you'd figure it out. Or maybe I'd just tell you outright right when we got there. I kept changing my mind." I shrug and smile through tear-filled eyes.
Adrian still hasn't moved. His eyes are fixed on my face, wide and dark and devastated.
Finally, he reaches over with his good arm and grabs my hand.
"Why didn't you tell me before?" he asks. "When I found you. When we talked. Why…"
"Because it's hard for me to admit," I say, interrupting him as the words rip out of me. "Even to myself."
My chest rises and falls, and I'm doing my best to hold back the tears welling in my eyes.
"When they started giving me the drug, I had heavy cramps and then lots of bleeding. And I knew." My voice drops. "I knew our baby was gone."
Adrian's face crumples. Just for a second. Then the mask slams back into place, but I saw it. I saw the devastation, the grief, the rage.
"So when I numbed myself," I say, my voice shaking so hard I can barely get the words out, "when I took it, it wasn't just because I felt like I'd let you down. It was for our baby, too." I stop and gasp for air. "Like I wasn't strong enough for anyone."
The tears stream freely now, hot and relentless.
"That's the truth of what I told you. Why I feel like I should have fought harder. I should have."
"Stop."