I pat my pockets frantically, digging my fingers into the fabric of the jeans I'm wearing.
Nothing.
I check again, both pockets, front and back, my movements jerky and desperate.
Empty.
No, no, no.
I spin around, foolishly scanning the room like I'll magically find one.
My breathing quickens. I should have grabbed something.
My purse. My coat. Anything.
Why didn't I think?
It's because I wasn't thinking at all.
Because I never had to think. Maxim always made sure I had my pills. He controlled everything, and now I don't have them.
I sink down onto the edge of the bed, my legs giving out beneath me.
My hands tremble in my lap, and I curl my fingers into fists, trying to stop the shaking.
But it doesn't stop. It gets worse.
A tingling sensation spreads across my skin, starting at my fingertips and crawling up my arms like a thousand tiny needles.
I rub my hands together, trying to make it go away, but the tingling intensifies, spreading to my legs, my chest, my face.
The room feels freezing, and I pull my arms around myself, shivering, but the cold doesn't last.
A wave of heat crashes over me, and suddenly I'm burning.
I shove my sleeves up, my skin flushed, and I feel sweat beading on my forehead, but nothing's there.
What's happening to me?
A dull pain grows behind my eyes, and it pulses to the rhythm of my heartbeat.
I squeeze my eyes shut and lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees.
Breathe, Elena. Just breathe.
But the panic is rising, making everything worse, and I can't push it down. I've never felt like this before. I must have never gone this long without taking it.
Shit, without the pills, I can't push anything down.
Eighteen months of buried thoughts, suppressed emotions, and silenced screams start clawing their way to the surface, and I can't stop them.
I don't want to feel this, to remember things, but it's too late.
The memories come flooding in, fast and relentless.
The van, the cold concrete floors, the auctions, the other girls, Maxim's voice, low and threatening, telling me I belonged to him now. Everything I was made to do, every movement monitored. All of the beatings.
And finally, Adrian.