I walk over to the kitchen faucet and turn it on. I pump too much soap into my hands and scrub with hot water that starts to burn me. It's fine. I don't want her to see it.
She's going to think I'm a monster if I try to talk to her with blood-stained hands.
I grab a dish towel and wipe my hands. The white fabric turns light rust-red. I toss it into the sink and walk out to her. I sit on her left, keeping a few spots between us. I don't want to, but I'm trying to give her space.
The firelight flickers across her face, casting shadows that make her look even more hollow than she already is. Her skin is pale, and if it wasn't for the glitter of the fire reflecting off her eyes, she'd look… not well.
I sit on the end of the couch and clear my throat.
"Elena."
Nothing.
Her chest rises and falls in slow, shallow breaths, but she doesn't blink. I lean over slightly.
I lean forward, resting my forearms on my knees. "Do you want some water?"
She doesn't answer.
I wait maybe ten seconds, then I speak.
"Elena," I say again, in a lower tone. "Do you want to talk?"
Her gaze doesn't shift from the fire.
I clench my jaw and scratch the back of my head. I'm frustrated and lost. I want to give her time, space, whatever, but I also want her back more than anything in this world, and now that she's literally right here, a few feet away, I'm having a hard time trying to go slow.
"Are you cold?" I ask, desperate for something, anything, to get her to look at me.
Nothing.
I stand up and crack my neck. What the hell do I do?
I kneel down in front of her, blocking the fire.
Her eyes don't adjust and she just stares through me, like I'm not even here.
My hands curl into fists at my sides.
I want to ask her a hundred questions.
Who took her?
What did they do to her?
How did they fake the crash?
Was it Maxim the whole time?
Did she think I stopped looking for her?
But I can't ask any of it.
Because she won't even see me.
The helplessness boils up inside me and before I can stop myself, the words rip out of me.
"Talk to me, Elena." My voice is firm, though I don't want it to be. "Please. You have no idea how hard this has been."