“Fuck off.”
“Can I explain?”
“No.”
“Trav, this isn’t you.”
My head snapped up, and I leant across, my voice dropping to a deadly tone. “Not me, not me? You have no idea what you leaving did to me. You ran. What did I do? What happened that night that made you end our friendship and just leave me?” I swiped away another tear, hoping he didn’t notice.
“It’s hard to explain.”
I tutted. “You’ve had weeks to practice your excuses. Or were you too busy fucking the twink?”
He recoiled, his mouth dropping open. “That’s unfair. Leave Finn out of this.”
“Aw, is he the reason for your bi-awakening? I’m so happy for you.” It hurt. It physically hurt that he’d been around me all those years and he’d not felt a thing for me, but a couple of weeks with the PA, and he was a different person.
“Gay,” he said quietly as the waiter appeared.
“Drinks, anyone?”
Jasper shook his head, but I was too focused on what he’d just said to reply, so the man left us alone again.
“What?” I asked, wondering if I had, in fact, got a plane to a parallel universe instead of just another continent.
“I’m gay.”
When I didn’t say anything because I was too shocked to speak, Jasper continued. “You deserve the truth.” He placed his hands on the table and entwined his fingers together. “When we were together, I started having feelings… for you.” I took another drink, the room starting to feel a little fuzzy as I’d not eaten since breakfast, and I had no idea what time it was now, but the feel of the liquid sloshing about in my stomach told me that was hours ago.
“I didn’t understand them. I had no idea that I was… but then the storm and sleeping next to you. It was so nice, Trav. Then, when I woke, your towel had come off and, well, I looked at you lying there and I touched myself. I made myself come looking at your cock.”
I tried to hide my reaction as he brought his hand up to his forehead and rubbed his temple, looking almost in pain.
“I think that was the start, and from there, well, I unravelled. I ran back to the UK because I was scared. It was wrong. So wrong, and I know you might never forgive me, but it appears running is what I do when I’m freaked out. I think it’s why I went to Ecuador in the first place.”
Now I was confused.
“I’m getting ahead of myself. Finn started working for me, and I started feeling things for him too. You and him were all I could think about. I dreamed about you touching me, I imagined what it would be like to be between you both. I…” He blew out a breath. “God, I sound like a sex fiend or something. Then I went to some charity thing. Finn was there dancing. He’s amazing. I didn’t notice it was him, but I was mesmerised by his body and the way he moved. It made me feel more things I didn’t understand. Am I making any sense?” He didn’t wait for me to answer. “Then Jackson… Jax came and sat next to me. He put his arm around me. And it was like the floodgates opened. Years of repressed memories came rushing back.”
Despite still being angry, I needed to ask questions to make this story make sense.
“Jax, your mum’s husband?”
“I think… no, I know. I had feelings for him when we were younger. I was going to tell him, and then he moved. I thought it was because of me. Because I was being weird, and well, I think I decided to ignore my feelings and try to be ‘normal’. I think I climbed into a straight man’s closet and decided to stay there for twenty-something years.”
“Until Finn?” I asked, sounding bitter.
“Until youand Finn.”
I huffed.
“I’m gay, Trav, and I’m so sorry that you got hurt in my working that out. But now you know, you don’t have to be angry with me.”
My eyes widened, my nostrils flaring as I sucked in a breath at the absurdity of his comment.
“You felt something for me, and you dealt with that by leaving me… ending our friendship and pretty much breaking my heart. You dealt with it by running back to England and straight into the arms of another man. You dealt with it by forcing me to come on this trip, so what, I’d have to forgive you because you know I can’t say no to you and those puppy dog eyes?” I could hear the slight slur in my voice, which I hoped masked the pain that was also evident in my words.
Jasper opened his mouth, but then closed it again and nodded.