He draped his arm over my shoulder and rubbed his hand up and down my bicep. Goosebumps exploded across my skin and my cock swelled in my jeans. I desperately tugged at my hoodie to hide the obvious lump that I wouldn’t be able to explain if he noticed.
Not when I didn’t understand what was going on myself.
“I know.” He sniffed again.
I lifted my head and glanced at him. Jackson was a few inches taller than me, so I had to look up at him. I took in his nose, the curve of his lips, the stubble that darkened his chin, which made him look so much older than me.
“I love you.” The words fell from my lips without me even realising they were there. My pulse picked up again, and I wondered if he’d notice it pounding in my neck. It was fine. We were friends. Best friends. He was my ride or die. You loved your friends. It was totally normal. That’s what I’d say when he recoiled in horror, but he didn’t say a word, instead, pulling me closer.
“Love you too, Jas. Always.”
I rested my head back on his shoulder and tried to ignore the voice in my head, screaming that I had feelings for my best friend that were anything but friendly.
We stayed there until the sun set, and Jackson’s dad yelled for him to come inside. The next day, my world imploded when Jackson got home from school to find out his dad had sold their house, and they were moving.
Jackson cried when he told me he was leaving, and I tried to reassure him that we’d stay in touch, but both of us knew it wouldn’t happen from the way he was being ripped from his life without a say in it or a moment’s notice.
Whether it was his choice or not, my friend abandoned me that day. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake the idea that my messed up feelings somehow contributed to it, so I buried them and pretended I’d never had them.
I mean, what was the worst that could happen?
PART1
LOW TIDE
ONE
JASPER
Jax: Jas, please reply. We need to talk.
I stared at my phone,my foot tapping as I sat on my sofa; the French doors open, and the early morning Ecuadorian sun warming my face. Not even the familiar sounds of the waves crashing in with the rising tide could ease the anxiety that bubbled in my stomach from reading the text.
Jax: Come on. Your mum is miserable. She’s not spoken to you in weeks. We’re worried about you.
Leaning back, I stared up at the ceiling.
Jackson—Jax—Cartwright was my oldest friend. Despite disappearing from my life for sixteen years, he was still the closest friend I had.
Only now, he was married to my mum.
I was happy for them. They were sickeningly in love, even after five years together, but talking to him... in fact, talking to any of my family meant I needed to face facts and think about what was coming.
It was time to go home.
My five-year contract was coming to an end. The research project that brought me out here in the first place had gone global. As a result, I was about to give up my life exploring the ocean to be Head of Research & Development for the project and part-time lecturer at the university that had won the contract to manage the now multi-million-pound research.
I puffed out my cheeks before I exhaled a long breath. I lived in paradise, getting to do what I loved every day, but deep down, I was miserable, which left me wondering how unhappy I would be back in England, wearing a suit and crunching numbers all day.
I would reply to Jax. I would tell them my plans for coming home, but I couldn’t face it yet. The second I did, they would get all excited, and I was anything but happy about the idea. Instead, I switched my phone off and checked the time on my watch, deciding that, despite not being due to start until lunchtime, it wasn’t too early to go to work.
* * *
“Are you okay?”Travis asked when he looked up from behind his black-rimmed glasses, abandoning the sonar system he’d been tinkering with, and pushing his wavy black hair off his forehead. I dropped my bag on the desk across from him and nodded.
“Yeap. Why wouldn’t I be?”
He stood from his stool and walked towards me, protective energy bouncing off him. Taking hold of my chin with his finger and thumb, he turned my head from one side to the other, making goosebumps explode over my skin. Something that seemed to happen whenever he touched me these days. “Because you look like shit. Have you been crying?”