“Sweets. You look amazing. Love suits you.”
I blushed, pressing a kiss to his cheek.
“Not in love, Neo. This is the face of someone having the most incredible sex though.”
He chuckled and Aaron pulled me in for a hug before guiding me to the chairs next to Neo’s bed and sitting next to me.
“I can’t believe they haven’t let us visit until now. How are you… both of you? Honestly.”
Neo reached for Aaron. “I fucked up, Sweets. Big time. I was so scared about my pain getting worse that I pushed Aaron away. I made some terrible decisions. I… well, I’m sorry. For what you had to see that day. Those letters… my plans.”
I placed my hand over where his lay on the bed.
“Don’t. There is no need to apologize. I should have noticed something was wrong. I should have seen your pain getting worse.”
“Look, we could all go around in circles forever, apologizing. We all did things we regret, that we wish we did differently,” Aaron interrupted. “But what’s important is we’re here. Neo’s operation went well, so now it’s down to his physio and his determination… which we know is annoyingly overflowing.”
“Hey, I can hear you, you know.”
We all laughed, and it felt nice. The last few weeks had been hard, knowing what Sean had told me, not telling Charlie, trying to pretend everything was normal.
I’d not slept, I couldn’t run outside, which affected my mood. I wasn’t eating because, with all of that and the pressure of running the label, I was a mess.
“How are things with you, Sweets? Tell me everything.”
I pressed my fingers to my temples. “Ah, you know, the dark web baddies are being offered a reward to capture me and deliver me to James so he can finish what he started. I can’t tell my boyfriend because I’m scared he might lock me in the house forever to keep me safe. Running the label is amazing and I’m so grateful, but I’m so stressed and I’m worried about my best friend because he’s in hospital and his hair is stupidly normal looking.”
I tried to laugh off my mini meltdown as Neo ran his fingers through his dark brown hair. In all the years I’d known him, ithad always been a color. A different color each week, but always a color, so seeing it so normal was freaking me out more than anything else.
“Aaron, give the girl a hug,” Neo commanded and Aaron listened, wrapping his enormous arms around me, his touch making me burst into tears.
“No, no,” I yelled, pushing him off me. Aaron’s eyes widened. “Sorry, it’s not you,” I sniffed. “But if I let myself fall apart, that will be it. I can’t. I won’t. I’m good. I promise. I’m good.”
“Fern,” Neo whispered, reaching for me and wrapping my hand in his. “Look what happened when I tried to cope on my own. I nearly broke. It’s taken weeks of talking to my therapist to realize breaking isn’t bad. Assuming you have to try to survive that pain on your own, that’s what will break you. I don’t want to see that happen to you.”
My head dropped as the stress, fear, and tension from the last few weeks surged through my body. “I think I’m already broken,” I admitted. “I’m just trying to hold it all together.”
“Until when Fern? When are you going to let it fall apart?” Aaron asked.
I held my breath while I thought about my answer.Until Addi came back; until I knew Neo was okay; until Charlie got bored with me, until—The cry that ripped from my lips sounded as painful as it felt. It tore away at my facade, my walls, my defenses and it left me alone, vulnerable and so scared I could barely admit it to myself, let alone anyone else.
My chest heaved, my body shook, tears spilled down my cheeks. I was lifted and surrounded by warmth. I could hear voices, but nothing made sense as the world spun uncontrollably around me.
I closed my eyes and let the exhaustion that I’d struggled with since my conversation with Sean a month ago consume me.
“Hey, Princess.”
My eyes fluttered open, finding myself curled up in Aaron’s lap, as he perched on the edge of the bed and Neo stroked my hand over and over again.
“What happened?” I croaked, my throat sore.
“I’m not a doctor, but I’d say a horrendous panic attack,” Neo replied. “We called Charlie and told him everything. He needs to know what you’re going through.”
My eyes landed on Charlie, and although to someone who didn’t know him, he looked relaxed, I could see the worry in his eyes from the way his jaw hardened and his fingers constantly bounced against his thighs as if he was twitching to touch me.
“Thanks for taking care of my girl, but I’ve got her now.”
Neo pressed a kiss to my cheek.