“What do you mean?”
“Actually, that’s not a fair question because I know you’re not okay. I don’t know if it’s mostly this Sherry thing, or themething, or it’s probably both, but we didn’t really get to talk about last night and that’s obviously because of Sherry getting hurt, but we never finished the conversation and you said we would and so I took the day off and then you just left me at your house and it’s like… six hours later and you’re… it’s like you’re not here with me right now, even. Do you need more time alone? Should I go?”
I give my head a shake. That was a mouthful.
She waits for me to reply for a minute, and when I don’t, she looks hurt. And I feel like garbage.
I blow out a long breath and drink more of my beer.
She sighs and gets to her feet. “I guess I’ll give you space. I’m sorry to bother you.”
“Sit.”
She sits.
“I don’t want you to go,” I tell her.
She watches me for a minute before she says, “I…know I haven’t made any of this easy on you. This thing with us… it’s been the most emotional period of my whole life. I’m still not okay.”
“I know,” I tell her.
She moistens her lips, which fucks with me in a big way, so I look away, hearing her pull in a big breath before she says, “I also know how hard you’ve been trying.”
My eyes move back to her.
She says, “I was worried you were getting revenge on me for making you wait because maybe I deserve to wait, too. But then you tell me we’ll talk and we’re not talking, but it could be because of Sherry or maybe I wouldn’t talk when you wanted to talk so maybe I’m getting a taste of my own medicine, though if we’re keeping score, I wanted to talk before we left for Italy and you wouldn’t talk to me. Though, maybe that shouldn’t count.” She shakes her head. “I’m sorry that what’s going on with us is affecting your pack connection, too.”
“You’re babbling,” I point out. Because she’s making my head spin.
She pulls in a big breath and lets it out quickly, not hiding irritation when she replies with, “Maybe because you’re not saying anything.”
“That’s fair.”
“Right now, I feel like you’re pulling away and like if I don’t say the right thing, we’ll be farther apart and that’s not what I want.”
“Whatdoyou want, Bailey?” I ask plainly.
“I… I don’t know if I can tell you,” she replies, not looking at me, but then abruptly jumps like something’s frightened her. She looks around and blows out an exasperated sigh.
She’s hearing things again.
And I’m a hundred per cent sure that Bailey is malfunctioning because we haven’t mated yet. I was worried about me because of what happened with Riley, but I’m not the one trying to deny the mate bond. She is. Though I denied her last night and maybe that’s why I couldn’t feel Joel’s panic this morning.
“I don’t want to guess and make the wrong move,” I say. “I don’t want to keep hurting you like I was hurting you and wind up with you doing something stupid like my fucking sister did.”
She jolts in surprise.
And now I feel sick to my stomach.
Because the sensation I’ve carried around all day wasn’t something I could name, but here it comes, an onslaught of frustration.
“You weren’t you from Rome until now. You’re not the Bailey I used to know. I fucked up so badly that you’re not the same person anymore. And last night you’re throwing yourself at me andfuckdid I want to take what you were offering. But what sort of jackhole would that have made me? Then you’re hurt that I didn’t claim you and I don’t know how to make it any plainer, Bailey. I want you happy. I don’t want you dreading being with me. I don’t want this thing with us to drive you away or drive you to do something stupid like Sher. It’s been at me all day.” I stab at my temple with my index finger. “How strong she usedto seem and how broken she was over what happened with that fucker. I don’t want to cause you that sort of pain.”
“You hurt me. You hurt me badly,” she chokes out with so much pain in her eyes that I drop to my knees. “And I know you’re sorry. I know it, Jase. But I don’t know how to not feel like this anymore.”
"Bay, listen... I have no frame of reference for relationships from personal experience, but I watched my parents, which… I always figured they were bitter, bickering all the time and that they weren’t all that happy together. Come to find out that’s just their way. You and me have always had a way about us that I liked, too. No, I never looked at you like a romantic interest because I couldn’t.”
“You’ve said that already.”