“Danica,” Jase says without apparent anger.
She looks him over for a beat before she looks at me.
“You okay?” she asks.
I swallow while shrugging.
Erica stands at the head of the table. “Glad to see everyone’s here.”
My hands are trembling. Fear has me in a chokehold.
What happens here and now will change everything.
What I might be most afraid of, is that this won’t go the way I’m hoping, that he’ll rut me against my will and I won’t be forgiving like Ivy was. I don’t think I’d have it in me to forgive Jase for it. It wouldn’t be the same as what happened with Tyson and Ivy with the whole Mason mate twist-up thing. If Jase,my Jase, did that to me, it’d mean everything I wanted, my entire life of focusing and fixating on him, was a wasted effort.
I can’t imagine how it’d feel if he did that after I was already bonded to him. I don’t know how Ivy picked herself up. I know I wasn’t being fair saying it was only because of the mate bond. Ivy loves Tyson. He loves her. They built a bond quickly above and beyond biology. I also know it wasn’t easy. I saw how much it affected her. It took great effort for her to forgive him. And I know he malfunctioned partly because of his upbringing,his trauma. But I don’t know that I could ever do the same, especially not on the heels of everything that’s happened. Jase didn’t live alone in the woods for years. Jasedoesknow what pack life is supposed to be about. If Jase did what Tyson did, it’d char me to ash.
That terror that grips me with this fear has such a strong hold on me that just pondering it causes moments of sheer hopelessness. I can’t stop fixating on how disappointed and disillusioned I am. How much deeper this sense of loss continues to get. I don’t know how I’ll ever recover from all of this.
I haven’t felt like myself in days, of course, but I’m so scared that this is the new me. That the Jase I knew and the me I was are both gone forever. That this fundamentally changed both of us.
“I’d like to speak first,” Jase says. “That cool?”
“Any objections, Bailey?” Erica asks.
I shake my head.
“Jase has the floor,” Erica says.
He stays seated beside me and I make myself look at him, even though it hurts. Even though my heart is pounding wildly out of control.
“First, I’m sorry I wasted everyone’s time the past few days. I needed to get my head together. And I’ve done it.”
My hands are clammy. My throat is dry. I will my heart to slow down as he continues.
“My mate thinks I only want her because of the way she smells. That it’s only biology. But in the past five days, especially the last few, I’ve had time to reflect on her presence in my life for the past twenty-five years. And more than wanting to fuck her – which, make no mistake, I very much do…” His eyes move to me, staring as if to drive this point home.
I want to tear my gaze away, but I’m frozen, looking into the eyes of the guy I wanted for as long as I can remember. I’m fidgeting with my fingers in my lap, and I know my face must be pink.
He continues. “I want the chance to see what we can be together. I want to learn, day by day, that you’re as perfect for me as Fate promises. And I want to show you that you were not wrong to see something in me that made you think I was the one you wanted to spend your life with, that it wasn’t a mistake to hope I’d get my head out of my ass one day and choose you. I do choose you, and yes it wasn’t in my control when that happened, but Bailey… it was always going to happen. You hoped for it and waited for it and it happened. I just wish it wasn’t too little, too late for you. I don’t know if I’m the guy you thought I was for all those years, but I need to show you I’m not the guy you now think I am.”
His eyes pan the room. “What I really want is to experience the joy Bailey’s crush on me promised because I’ll see in her eyes that I make her happy.” He swallows, staring at the ceiling for a second before his eyes return to my face. “Yeah, that’s what I want – I want to make you happy, Bailey. But…”
I swallow at hisbutand it feels like I’m trying to gulp broken glass down my throat.
“If you really can’t get past all that has you sure this isn’t what you want…”
I wait for him to land a final blow and walk out. And if he does, will I try to stop him? I’m so stubborn, I probably won’t. But will I regret it?
He says, “I want time to prove myself. And I don’t want you to try to sever our bond until you give me an actual chance.” He’s looking at Dani now. “I want Bailey to have the final say. Lift the spell. I’ll make myself wait to claim her until she gives me permission.”
His expression softens as he looks back at me, looking at me for my reaction.
I’m in utter shock.
I hear mutters of male approval and a female sound of surprise, but I can’t focus on any of that. My heart is beating too fast, too hard.
He keeps going. “You didn’t get to sow any of those wild oats everyone talks about. But believe me, it means nothing when the time comes that you know you’ve found the person you want to spend your life with. Nobody else matters. And you won’t get to sow them, Bay, because no – not only can I not have that, it’s also not who you are. But you’ll get to date. You get to dateme. I’m taking you out tomorrow night. If we come to an agreement here, that is, but I’d like to take you on a date, Bailey. Our first date. Date me.”