No one had taken them seriously at the time. However, two decades after publishing their idea, Mercury produced their first successful subjects. The test graduates were only teenagers and the conditioning was prone to failure, but they were enough to change things. Mercury stopped being referred to as a cult by the majority and started being spoken of as a think tank.
It took one hundred years for them to morph into a group of visionaries, the saviors of the Psy. “The first pro-Silence Council was dominated by acolytes of Mercury. Two were graduates of their beta version of the Protocol.”
“Sascha?”
Startled out of her painful thoughts on the high cost of such absolute Silence, she turned. Faith’s hand was outstretched, a touch halted midthought. “You have to be more careful,” she said gently. She had no desire to reinforce the straitjacket of Silence, but so long as the other cardinal was in the Net, she had to be hyperaware.
Faith’s hand curled into a fist and she tucked it under her thigh. “I’m changing, Sascha. I want to fight it, but the changeis happening on a level I can’t seem to stop. And I’m not sure that’s a good thing.”
“Why?”
“I’m an F-Psy, valued and protected among our race. Out here, I’d be nothing.”
“That’s not true.” Sascha attempted to use her empathic gifts to soothe the bruised pain inside of Faith, pain she could feel like a rock on her heart. “If you can learn to utilize and manage your gifts in a different way, you’ll be as valued here. Imagine, you could warn of disasters and violence. You could save so many lives.”
Faith looked away. She didn’t want to see the other side of the ledger, didn’t want to consider the deaths on the conscience of every foreseer who’d chosen an easier path. Like her. “Do you have any idea why my normal shields might be failing? These protections are specifically designed to guard F-Psy during visions, but they can’t protect me against the darkness. They can’t keep me safe.”
Only Vaughn could do that, and she wondered why he bothered. If the foreseers hadn’t withdrawn into Silence, perhaps his sister, too, would have lived.
CHAPTER 14
“What do youfeel during these visions?” Sascha asked, not forcing her to face the issue as Vaughn would’ve done. “There’s no one here but us.”
“And a cat with very good hearing.” Faith couldn’t see him, but she knew he was out there pacing, protecting.
“Actually two,” Sascha corrected. “A result of Lucas being overprotective is my guess, though I wouldn’t put it past the sentinels to do it on their own.” Her laugh was both amused and exasperated.
“Two?” She could bear Vaughn hearing her confession, because no matter what she’d said in the car, she trusted him. But another cat?
“Don’t worry. Vaughn would never allow him within hearing range.”
Something in the other woman’s tone made Faith go still. “What?”
Sascha smiled. “Nothing. So, what do you feel?”
“Rage, pain, malice, fury, bloodlust.” She couldn’t bring herself to list the sick pleasure felt by the sadistic sexualityof that raping mind. Because during the visions, shewashim and the pleasure was her own.
It made her want to vomit, to tear out her own mind. No wonder F-Psy had chosen the coward’s way out and surrendered to the clean commerce of Silence.
“The worst possible way to snap out of the Protocol.” The renegade cardinal’s face softened. “I think emotions are the key to why your shields are failing. Psy in the past would probably have fought fire with fire, shoving up blocks powered by the depth of their horror at the acts.”
Faith was startled by the echo of Vaughn’s earlier comments. “Go on.”
“It’s speculation on my part, but I know my shields cracked because I was crushing emotion when emotion was my strength.”
Faith didn’t ask more about Sascha’s abilities. Faithwaslinked to the Net. The PsyClandidmonitor her. On top of that, the Council was now paying her an unusual amount of attention. “But my ability isn’t based on emotion.”
“I think you’re wrong. If emotion wasn’t at the heart of foresight, F-Psy would never have seen the things they once did, never have seen murder and disaster. They saw those things because they were people who cared about others, who were driven to try to stop the evil.”
Faith couldn’t begin to imagine the strength it must’ve taken to be a foreseer in the time before Silence, to see death and pain in an endless sequence of what could be. “You’re saying it’s possible that Silence left the section of my mind that has the capacity to see darkness, the emotional center, unprotected. To even accept the existence of such a center would go against the conditioning. Following that logic, I can’t shield that which doesn’t exist.” Leaving her totally exposed to the malicious power of a killer in need of an audience.
“Exactly.” Sascha’s eyes flashed bright and Faith almost imagined she saw colors. Impossible. “I think that’s whyVaughn can pull you out—his touch awakens that buried center.”
Faith’s stomach clenched at the mention of the cat who’d somehow become integral to her life. “Even if you’re right and I find that area of my brain and reinitiate the protections, it won’t stop the visions, just make them easier to escape, correct?”
“Faith.” Sascha sighed. “If you continue to try to block your gift as it’s been blocked for twenty-four years, you’ll destroy yourself from the inside out.”
And go insane,Faith finished silently, hands clenching into rigid balls under her thighs. “If I accept these visions, it’ll be the same as accepting emotion and I won’t be able to hide that for long. I’m too closely watched. The end result will be the same—incarceration in a mental health facility.” Another trap with no way out.