“I don’t care.” I snapped the fresh diaper closed and picked Kassim back up, settling him against the pillows. “He always does this shit,” I said quietly. “He acts first and thinks later.”
“But he loves you,” Mikki said.
“I know he loves me.”
“Then what’s the issue?” Sia asked.
“The issue is he scares people sometimes,” I said. “Today, he scared me.”
Sia spoke first. “You scared of him?”
“No,” I said quickly. “Not like that.”
“Then what?”
I sat down slowly on the edge of the bed again. “I’m scared that he doesn’t realize how far he takes shit.”
Mikki groaned. “That man is a nut.”
“A big one.” I shook my head. Kassim started drifting off to sleep, his breathing soft and steady.
Sia cleared her throat. “So… what’s the plan?”
“I don’t know.”
“You staying there just for tonight?”
“I don’t know. I just want peace for a minute,” I said softly.
“Knuck probably outside punching walls right now,” Mikki muttered.
I almost laughed. “Probably.”
Sia sighed. “You know he’s gonna find you eventually.”
“I know.”
“And when he does?”
I looked toward the window, watching cars moving slowly down the street below—life going on. I had no clue what would happen next. This wasn’t an urban fiction book. Shit, this was my life, but running from Knuck forever was impossible.
An hour later, I walked over to the crib the hotel had brought up and carefully laid Kassim inside. He stirred for a second, his tiny mouth making a soft sucking motion before settling again. I pulled the blanket up gently and stepped back.
For a minute, I just stood there watching him—the peaceful rise and fall of his chest, the tiny curls on the top of his head. My heart felt so full. Then, all at once, everything felt heavy. I walked back to the bed, sat down, and the tears came before I could stop them.
They slipped down my cheeks softly at first, then harder as everything from the day finally hit me. I covered my mouth with my hand and cried softly so I wouldn’t wake the baby. Looking down at my phone, I saw a silenced notification from social media. I wiped my face and picked it up to see someone liked a picture on my page. I tapped the notification and pulled up the photo. It was one of my favorite pictures.
It was the day Kassim was born and Knuck was feeling on top of the world, telling everybody his son was going to be one of the illest niggas alive. Looking at the photo, I found myself scrolling to a couple of other pictures of my boys.
I stared at the pictures for a long time, just crying. All that love. That was my man, and no, we weren’t perfect. Not even close. But damn, I was tired of the crazy bullshit. Just then,a memory popped into my head from a conversation when I decided to take Knuck seriously.
“Keon.” He looked over at me, that high smirk already creeping like he knew I was about to say some shit. “If I gave you a real chance…” I paused, playing with the edge of the blanket. “Would you stop acting crazy over me?”
He took a slow drag, let it sit in his chest, then blew it out without breaking eye contact. “Nah,” he said with a slight grin. “If you really fuck wit’ a nigga, it’s only gon’ get worse.”
I blinked, lips parting. “Worse?”
He chuckled, low and deep, putting the blunt in the ashtray in the nightstand before leaning over to kiss my cheek. “Worse,” he repeated, lips brushing my skin. “Like… now I pull up when I feel like it. But if you mine? I’m already there. I’m on your line all day. Poppin’ up on your lunch break. Fuckin’ you stupid before your clients. Sleepin’ in your bed every night. Buyin’ you gifts just ‘cause. Nuttin’ in you every single time.”