“Yes.” I swallowed the lie.
Ayda’s fingertips brushed my cheeks gently, almost a silent forgiveness as though she understood, without really understanding at all.
I hated myself at that moment. I picked her up, scooping her into my arms like she weighed nothing. I kept my eyes on hers the entire time I walked her to our bed, and when I laid her down as carefully as I could, pulling the comforter over her naked breasts and running my finger down her arm, Iallowed her to believe I might stay. I wanted to stay. With her, even when I felt damaged and fucked up beyond redemption, I became lighter than air. No one else could do to me what Ayda could do.
But there was a problem with having someone on such a pedestal. There was a kink in the way it all worked. To me, she was perfect. So perfect she didn’t seem real sometimes. And when I was like this, consumed, vengeful, bloodthirsty and raw, the last thing I wanted to do was infect her and have her become some kind of fallen angel.
If this angel fell, the whole universe was doomed.
I climbed on top of the comforter beside her, me resting on my side, her resting on hers, the two of us looking into each other’s eyes as I ran a lonely finger up and down her arm.
“Sleep, darlin’.”
Ayda didn’t say anything. She just blinked and studied my face, those big blue eyes moving over my features as though she were etching the image of them into her eyelids. With each pass, her eyes grew heavier, and no matter how much she tried to fight it, her exhaustion forced her into sleep.
“Of all the things I’m glad he saw before he died, you’re the main one,” I whispered, knowing how much Harry loved her.
“I love you, Drew,” she breathed.
I sighed, the weight of my relief and frustration pouring out of me. “Someone had to,” I mouthed.I’m glad it was you,I added in my head.
I watched as she drifted off to sleep, her body melting into our bed sheets and resting, while mine became tenser and more desperate to flee. I never thought I’d want to run from her again. I never thought I’d get this dark, but I’d neverthought I was going to lose Harry so fucking quickly, and the truth was, he’d been around a lot longer than this new life of mine. He’d been around when Ayda hadn’t. He’d been the man to stick up for me, stick by my side, stick, stick, stick when every other fucker had given up, including my own father. I no more knew how to let him go than I’d known how to let Pete fly free.
Guilt took over me when I thought about being happy while he was rotting away beneath cold soil and dark earth.
Revenge.
Revenge.
Revenge.
That was easier. It was all I knew.
I wished I wasn’t this person, but when I was certain Ayda had fallen into a sleep deep enough to consume her for a few hours, I leaned forward and kissed her forehead, pressing my words against her so they sank into her skin.
“You’re a crazy kind of something, Hanagan. My kind of crazy kind of something. Wait for me.”
Then I got up, grabbed some clothes, and I left, closing the door behind me as the urge to be a wolf in the night took over.
I knocked on Slater’s door and waited.
When he didn’t respond, I walked in anyway and crept over to his bed, praying he had some clothes covering his junk.
The light from the corridor poured in enough for me to see he was sprawled on his chest, his hands tucked under hispillow and that beard of his spread out on his bed sheets like it was a person in its own right. The fucker was breathing so heavily, I was certain some chicks would class it as snoring, but it was the full spine tattoo of a wolf with gnarled teeth that caught my attention.
Slater Portman was a Hound to his core. More than I probably was at times. I’d been born to be king. He’d chosen to be a prince.
“Slate,” I whispered, nudging him with my fist. “Slate!” I hissed again.
“Fckff,” he mumbled, like what he’d said was even a word.
“Wake up,” I urged him.
Slater winced, sucking in a sharp breath through his clenched teeth. “Go away.”
I blew all the air out of my cheeks and went straight for honesty. “Buddy, I need you. Please… wake up, or I’m about to go out and do something real stupid, something that none of y’all will ever forgive me for.”
His eyes flew open immediately, the call to my brother answered as he scanned the room quickly and then sat upright in one swift movement.