“Let go,” I said. “With me.”
She slammed down hard, her eyes screwed shut. I gathered her close, holding on as I let loose inside her, roaring into her shoulder. I think I passed out. It was too much and perfect at the same time. Only with Clem.
My arms were wrapped around her back as she lay panting on my chest, her legs loose around me, her arms slung out at her sides. A moment later, a soft giggle tickled my ear.
“I can’t move,” she said.
“Who said you have to?”
I was right where I wanted to be.
Chapter 41 - Clem
Warmth and peace washed over me as I snuggled closer to Rurik. The night went by in a blink, and I was never so happy that I made the decision to confront him and invite him in. We barely slept a wink, but I wasn’t tired at all as I lay in his arms.
This felt too right. It was too easy to slip back into the way he wanted things to be. Everything was always perfect when we were in bed. Nothing had really been resolved, at least not to me.
I wanted to be convinced. Not of his feelings. Of those, I was certain. But feelings didn’t always match how a person acted. As far as I could tell, Rurik Fokin was the most loyal, caring, considerate, and protective man to ever exist. If there was a monster lurking inside him, it had never come out. Not yet, anyway.
He woke up, stretching luxuriously and making my bed squeak and groan under his weight. He turned, gathering me closer and kissing me.
“Best morning ever,” he said. “I thought I might have dreamed last night.”
I relaxed into his arms, then stiffened when he told me to get up and get dressed.
“Why?” I asked, rolling out of his embrace. “Do you want me to come back to work?”
“I want you to come home,” he said, brows knitting together as I jumped up and wrapped myself in my robe. “Where you belong.”
There was the command I both longed for and feared. Just say yes, just go home. The home I had grown to love, thatfelt so real. Every fiber of my being wanted to do as he said, but then what?
“That’s not going to happen,” I said, watching him carefully.
He sat up, looking more confused now than anything else. “After last night?”
“Last night was a mistake,” I said. Bracing myself for the worst, I kept goading him. “I still can’t trust you. I had a moment of weakness. A lapse in judgment. That was all last night was.”
I turned away, waiting for the lies designed to make him furious enough to finally snap at me.
“Clem,” he said, voice deep and rumbling. Forbidding. I refused to turn around. “Look at me.”
When I didn’t, I expected his hands to grasp my shoulders, whip me roughly around. “You need to go,” I said. “Nothing’s changed.”
He sighed, and I flinched as the bed creaked and his feet hit the floor behind me. His hands were on my shoulders, but feather light. He gently turned me to face him and tipped my chin up with his fingertip. A soft smile wreathed his handsome face, and his eyes searched mine.
“There’s nothing you can say or do to make me harm you,” he said. “You can spit on me, curse me out, kick me in the shin.”
“I wouldn’t do that,” I whispered.
“But you could.” He gripped a little tighter, shaking his head. “The thought of you being hurt makes me sick. The idea of hurting you myself makes me want to die. It’s never going to happen.”
“So you’ll go?” I asked. Was I hoping he’d fight or really prove his words?
“I hate it, but yes, I’ll go,” he said. “You can live here as long as it takes for you to believe I’m nothing like your ex.” His smile made my heart roll over. “I’m only crazy about you, not plain crazy.”
He pulled his clothes back on as I stood there, still clutching my robe around me, my heart and mind a whirlwind. As soon as he was dressed, he kissed my forehead and headed toward the door.
“I’ll bring dinner tomorrow,” he said calmly, his hand on the knob. Just as calmly, he added, “Come back to work whenever you feel like it. We all need you there. Especially me.”